Being unemployed is an awful feeling. It is a confluence of stress and mood swings that can make an otherwise happy and positive person seem bipolar. I fought the mood swings and depression as best I could. I increased my exercise regimen, since good health is something that cannot be taken from you, and since it is free. I began watching a lot more comedy, on TV and online, to escape and to laugh, since laughter is such great medicine. I even did my best to stay frugal and productive by writing more often, cleaning more often, and cooking more often. I spent countless hours fine tuning my résumé and submitting it online and in person to various places. On Craigslist, I was like a starving hawk looking for prey, watching every job posting as if it could be the one to rescue me. I even landed a couple of interviews that didn't pan out. But despite all of this, despite that I am a strong willed and independent person, and despite that I never lost hope, I was not able to fully avoid feelings of depression and despair. I can only imagine how much worse it is for others who have bigger obligations and more responsibility than I do, like providing for a family...
After my savings dwindled, I made the decision to take drastic measures that are not available to most people, to move in with family. Namely, I decided to move from Tampa to Dallas and live with my brother. Although I had secured a temporary job in Las Vegas to work the World Series of Poker (I'm a poker dealer), it didn't start until May, and I didn't have enough money left to sustain myself until then. I made the proper plans to move on March 15th (beware the ides of March), including putting in my notice to my landlady and all my utility companies, and selling off my heavy furniture. I had come to accept my future for the next couple of months, and I was actually looking forward to visiting all my friends and family in Texas and Oklahoma. I grew up in Oklahoma City. I think of it as home, a place where I can always return to and be welcomed by friends and family. It is where my personal "safety net" exists should my life become unbearable. Dallas is only a few hours drive from there and my brother would be able to provide the most comfortable living arrangements for me and my cat. Yea, I was preparing to drive from Tampa to Dallas with a cat.
But something amazing happened. On Thursday morning I got a call from a local poker room that I had applied to in January asking me if I'd be interested in auditioning for a job! The way poker rooms hire dealers is by making them audition to see how good they are. Most of them don't even check your references or your employment history, they just check your proficiency (and of course like any casino they check your criminal history and do a drug screening).
So yesterday I went to the audition. They were hiring six positions and there were 25 of us vying for those jobs. I even found out that they were only offering auditions to those who had previously dealt poker professionally, meaning that they actually checked employment history. The initial auditions lasted over two hours and they narrowed us down to 12 people. After another intense hour of dealing and watching other talented poker dealers, I was offered a position in my chosen profession! I start orientation on Monday!
The relief that I feel is ineffable.
I know that many of you out there are feeling hopeless. I know that times are really tough and for a lot of people they are much tougher than they have been for me. I know that it is hard to stay positive and hopeful when so much is going wrong in our country and in our world. And I know it is a cliché to say this, but it is worth repeating: Don't ever lose hope. Hope changes everything.