Now that all Republicans agree that the Dow is the sole barometer of Obama's performance on the economy, it is encouraging to see themselves heaping praise on him for this week's mini-rally:
It's encouraging to see that the Magic Negro has been able to introduce a modicum of optimism into the markets. Perhaps I've been hasty in judging him.
- Rush Limbaugh, GOP Overlord
You can't deny what we're seeing here. The guy opens his mouth, the stock market responds. I think it's starting to look like he's got the Midas touch!
- Larry Kudlow, CNBC
(RINGS BELL) Sweet sweet mother of Christ, would you look at these numbers? (BLOWS AIR HORN) It is time to buy, bitches, buy!!! (SQUEEZES RED RUBBER CLOWN NOSE) Buy whatever you can get your hands on. Obama is on the job and happy days are here again! It's the running of the fucking bulls!!!(SQUIRTS WATER FROM FAKE FLOWER ONTO CAMERA LENS AND FARTS LOUDLY)
- Jim Cramer, lunatic
Yo, check it. Barack Obama be holdin' shit down and bringin' shit up. Word.
- Michael Steele, pre-ex-RNC Chairman
As soon as I'm done penning my next column about how we should invade Iran and convert them to Christianity because Harry Reid is a fag, I'm calling my broker and telling him to go all in. It boils down to this: I trust Barack Obama. How can you argue with the Dow?
- Ann Coulter, philosopher
Gotta admire the Republicans for their consistency.