Here on Chuck Norris's self proclaimed "GOP Armchair Terrorists Compensating for our Small Weewees Day" or whatever they're calling their latest pathetic teaparty, it struck me...
Just about the only thing that could make Barack Obama, already vying with JFK for Coolest President Ever, into MORE of a cultural superstar would be if he became the guy who took out Chuck Norris.
This diary is to start a list of facts about Barack Obama, Bigger Badass than Chuck Norris. Because laughing the fucktards out of existence is the most fun way to beat them.
I'll start...
Like Chuck Norris, BARACK OBAMA can cure cancer with his tears. Unlike Chuck Norris, Barack Obama is willing to do whatever it takes to cure cancer, without regard for any effect it has on his stupid macho image!
When Dick Cheney crawls into bed at his undisclosed location, he checks the closet to see if BARACK OBAMA is hiding in there!
BARACK OBAMA doesn't do pushups. He pushes the Earth away from him with his arms! (So does Michelle, if you believe Maureen Dowd)
It is better to give than to receive...as Chuck Norris is about to discover when he finally receives a roundhouse kick...from BARACK OBAMA!
Chuck Norris is in a Texas backwater, leading a ragtag bunch of morons who hate America. BARACK OBAMA is leading the Free World.
Chuck Norris may have been "Walker, Texas Ranger", but BARACK OBAMA actually RAN...and won!
Chuck Norris has a license to kill...but watch out, BARACK OBAMA got his learner's permit in January, and is he pissed!
When Chuck Norris went to Chicago's South Side, he proved he was tough by scaring a bunch of poor people and breaking something useful. BARACK OBAMA went there and proved he was tough by FIXING it!
Chuck Norris tries to stare books down to get the information he wants. BARACK OBAMA actually learned to read!
And my favorite...
Chuck Norris can kill a mall full of zombies...but BARACK OBAMA can talk them down!