cross posted at http://www.lavidalocavore.org
I've just finished some of my cooking. Wed night is the first seder and I am having 11-15 people here.That does not include the 3 dogs;mine, my middle sisters and my older sisters. The fluidity of the number depends on how many of my daughters friends she brings here. She's at college about 35 minutes away. Here's a pic of her with our dog taken last Friday night in front of her dorm ok..you can't see her face but isn't the dog cute?
http://s202.photobucket.com/...
She called last week and asked me to drive the dog to her to spend the week-end. Her timing could not have been better,as I have been wanting to speak with her to apologize about violating her boundaries out of my own needs. My version of getting rid of my own chametz. Chametz being the food we Jews are supposed to get rid of. Given that a lot of the world is hungry, I don't believe in throwing away food But I do believe in the idea of clearing out the "mental" chametz. And making amends to people.And I felt I owed my daughter an apology.
My bi polar husband killed himself in July of 07. My daughter and I found him together. I've written about this here before in a different context. But what I haven't written about is how unhappy I was in my marriage.And how I leaned on my daughter in ways a mother should not. I just didn't know any better having grown up with a zombie Mom. I should also mention that like my husband, my mother was bi polar. I truly married my mother.
My daughters dorm has a small communal space at the end of her hallway. She has decorated it with Obama posters and ethnic chatzkes found in thrift stores. We settled in and I told her that was something on my mind.I told her that my feeings were hurt when she came home frm spring break 3 weeks ago and made time for everyone but me.But that while it hurt me, I understood that she might find the need to pull away from me given there were those times I leaned on her too hard and wanted her to relieve all the sadness I felt. I'm not sure she really understood me, but she thanked me for talking to her about her fathers mental illness. And told me all and all she thinks she had pretty good parenting. We kept our physical boundaries ( no hugging) and soon her floor mates came over to see what food I had brought. Our conversation was done.
to be continued...
like life