Hello. I have been busy with my daughter all day. I come back to DKos after 8 hours away, and what did I miss? Arlen Specter defecting to the Democratic Party (yeah, right - opportunist much, Senator Specter?) and the swine flu freaking everybody right the fuck out. I'm actually not sure about that last part; I could just be projecting there, because I am freaking right the fuck out.
So. I thought I would write a thoroughly useless diary about what it's like to be on the Rec List. Have you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be in the DKos In-Crowd, even for a day?
Too bad. Sit back, grab some popcorn, and listen to me whine for no good reason.
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ON THE REC LIST!
April 28, 2009
by Shiz
- If you have a stupid user name, that you made up when you were (for example) drunk or high, you are going to regret it. Seriously.
- People you have fought with vehemently in the past (even very recently) will come by to try to kiss your ass. It is really weird, and it will stick out to you like ... Arlen Specter does in the DNC.
- You will wonder why all those diaries you sank your HEART AND SOUL into (as well as spent days or weeks putting together) ages ago, when you were still an idealistic newbie, didn't crack any list at all, but some piece of shit diary you spewed in 20 minutes or less suddenly gets all these kudos. Even if the topic is important, that one's head-scratcher.
- Thoughts of Sally Field, if only for a fleeting moment:
And that, of course, will make you feel like an asshole. Because high school was a very, very long time ago.
- You contemplate whether or not you are Pulitzer material. You know that you're truly not, but it just doesn't hurt to wish and dream. This will make you smile and laugh at yourself, heartily. It will also make you wonder whether or not the phrase "delusions of grandeur" can be applied to you directly.
- The amount of time that it takes to actually keep up with a Rec Listed diary is insane. That's the only word to accurately describe it. It can really only effectively be done properly when you have no life. This realization will make you depressed and (perhaps) drive you to drink.
- Coincidentally, once on the Rec List, you can begin to figure out your true motivations for being on DKos in the first place. Being that I am a friendly lass with too much time to kill, I get all naive sometimes and think that, ya know, most people want to be on the Rec List for the same reason I do: to be a good, interesting, and humorous writer. Not so for the masses, unfortunately: some people want to be on the Rec List just to be popular. Being that I'm not one of those people, I immediately want to bitch slap those that are. I could spend 2 days alone coming up with a list of fellow Kossacks I don't like, for this very reason. Take the ego down 15 notches, please. I'm not all that and a bag of chips, but I may, in fact, be the value meal. That's cool with me.
- You contemplate whether or not fame will change you. Again, then the laughing at yourself commences in earnest. What do I have handy above my stove? Maybe some Jack?
- Jesus Christ, many folks just like to piss in the Cheerios, don't they? Wtf is up with that? Go play in traffic or something. I'm busy here, pretending to be All Serious! Sheesh.
- You will be completely schooled in various things you have no knowledge of, such as (oh, I don't know) Hannah Arendt. I cannot stress this one enough. Most people will be sweet about your lack of book smarts, but a handful will not be, and those intellectual snobs can kiss my big, white ass. Being well-read is not the same thing as being a good person, and don't force me to make a series of Yo Momma jokes hurled in your direction, thank you very much.
- Receiving really weird e-mails after the fact is, apparently, not unusual to anyone but kos. Don't respond back and DON'T let them know your first name/marital status/place of residence. Curse yourself silently for being too open with other Kossacks in the past.
- Thank the dear lord God for the friends you've made here, the ones who applaud your efforts and are truly happy for you. Then, write them e-mails bitching about the very list that I just wrote. They won't say it out loud, but you will know from these e-mail exchanges that you are just as shallow as everyone else. Except maybe Arlen Specter.
Have a good night, keep the faith, and don't be a dick! I should put that as my sig.
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P.S. Are you kidding me? LOL, I go to smoke a cigarette, do the dishes, and come back with this ... on the Rec List? Well, at least I won't get any shit about how I don't know who Hannah Arendt is, huh?
You funny. Also, you guys are seriously twisted. I mean that only in a good way.