I had another diary all written up about being a mentally ill parent. However, After reading a diary about Nancy Grace as Torture Porn, I realized I had to write this one instead. I feel need to explain why I try to keep certain details private and why I also believe Nancy Grace is Torture/misery porn.
It is alway difficult for me when talking about my past to know how much to reveal. I want people to understand where I come from and why I am the way I am but it is important to do so without re-victimizing myself. There is a certain market out there where my personal experiences have some monetary value. I could write a tell all book about it and maybe even make it on Oprah.
I am sure you have all seen some version of this on television at some time or another. The moment on Oprah when the rape victim describes in detail what it is like to be forced to perform oral sex when your nose is broken. That episode of Nancy Grace where she goes into lurid detail about where and how the body of the victim was found, and what happened to the victim. Bill O'Reilly describing in intimate detail the clothing and appearance of the drunk college co-ed who was subsequently raped and murdered. You may not realize it, maybe you have to experience what I have to realize, every time they do this some asshole is watching and masturbating to it! Do not doubt it. On some level nancy Grace et al know that and understand that a certain part of their ratings comes from the torture porn consumers in their audience. Maybe they are in some way torture/misery porn enthusiasts themselves. I mean it is not hard for me to believe that the things that happened to that drunk college co-ed somehow fits in with the revenge fantasy O'Reilly has about all the women who rejected him, but that is speculation. The hosts definitely know they make money from those perverts.
This is why I try no to give too many gory details. In fact I try not to describe much detail at all. I am willing to say that I was gang raped at the age of eleven. I am not willing to describe the criminals, what they wore, what they said, what they did. As much as I feel the need to speak out about my experiences I know that giving details invites perverts to get off on my suffering. Since the victims of sexual violence suffer for the pleasure of others it should come as no surprise that abusers get off on hearing stories of abuse.
I cannot remember which supreme court justice made the statement about knowing porn when I see it. The problem is that we only recognize the obvious porn. The stuff that gets us going or is labeled as porn. I can assure you that the perverts who are watching and getting off on this kind of torture/misery porn recognize it for what it is. As a survivor I can say I also know torture/misery porn When I see it. For the purveyors of this voyeuristic torture/misery porn it is money in the bank. The same can be said for the makers of torture porn movies like:Saw, House of a thousand corpses, the cell, etc.
I have tried to make a choice not to view this material. However, I also feel that when faced with human suffering we should not turn away. So I try not to shy away from facing and talking about it as difficult as it can be. This leads me to read and watch things that I sometimes find traumatic. I do not read much fiction though. I stick with reality as it is ugly enough. I do not need the torture movies or made up horrors. I do not patronize the purveyors of torture/misery porn. I do not recommend for anyone else to either.