So I guess everyone now knows that Bristol Palin is schlepping abstinence until marriage – do as I say, not as I do – for a foundation whose primary funding comes from the maker of Candies brand whore boots. As I always say to my students, truth is stranger than fiction. Who could make this stuff up? Not I.
Except of course that this situation perfectly captures the horrible double message our culture sends to women generally, but especially young women – be attractive to men, but say no until and unless they marry you. I think this is grotesque and causes untold psychic misery to too many young women. It’s no surprise that adolescent girls from prosperous families are most likely to be anorexic – that frightful attempt to exert control over their lives in terms that are acceptable to the larger culture. I think we should give up the whole chastity/abstinence side of the equation, provide women with reliable information about and access to contraceptives, and let them go use their pulchritude however they see fit.
As it is, our double message reinforces men’s fantasy that women will depend on them for everything, and that women will always be only what men want them to be. Read James Dobson’s anti-same-sex marriage screed, Why We Must Win This War. It contains a very interesting passage about Dobson’s own marriage, in which he explains oh so helpfully that, after an episode early in his marriage to Shirley when he completely forgot about Valentine’s Day, he came to realize that Shirley, as a woman, had emotional needs that Dobson, as a man, was uniquely able to fulfill. No surprise – no room for lesbians here. Shirley, in turn, told James how proud she was of him and was excited to learn what god would choose to do with them in the future. Notice that Shirley had no opportunity to state her own case, although she’s such an Aunt Tom that I’m sure she would echo everything James said.
I think it’ really gross that men expect women to be fawning parrots. It says such sad things about the men themselves, that they need that kind of constant reflection of their worth as human beings. Of course, I’m gay, so none of this applies to me, but I like my women a lot feistier than that. I think the best solution to violence against women is for a few women to shoot the men who assault them, putting the fear of god into all men
Now It’s Personal
Last night, my painfully thin, vegetarian, 13 year old niece published on Facebook the statement that she feels "like a freakin FATTY." I notified her mother immediately. This makes me so angry, the way our culture fucks up adolescent girls. I really don’t want my niece to become anorectic. But what do you do? You can’t cut her off from the surrounding culture.
This is especially troubling coming from my niece, who has two very involved, sane parents. My sister struggled with her weight as an adolescent, but she really was a bit heavy, just like my mother was at that age. My niece, however, is so thin I worry she’s going to blow away in the Oklahoma wind. Anyone with any suggestions, please e-mail me at drturner@mindspring.com.