The weeks come and the weeks go, but three things remain constant here at Blogistan Polytechnic Institute. First, the faculty will retire to the wine cellar library for their weekend drinking thinking exercises, in pursuit of our motto: Magis vinum, magis verum ("More wine, more truth"). Second, the staff poker game will feature at least one plaintive mewl by the Professor of Astrology Janitor that reminds Chef of sounds made by one of our mascots: Pootie the Precious. And third, the mailbag will have that faint whiff of something left by our other mascot: Woofie the Younger.
But this week it's more direct than usual.
More below the fold....
In fairness to the Professor of Astrology Janitor, he has two good reasons for those plaintive mewls. First, he sits down at the poker table knowing he's going to contribute to Chef's retirement fund. It's rather like a Cubs fan gearing up for another year of "if only." Second, he knows his plaintive mewls will elicit her sincere sympathy, or at least a break while she prepares Cajun chicken omelets, as she's doing now. If only our correspondents had as much to gain by their whining. Instead, reading the mail often feels like stepping in something Woofie the Younger left....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I finally hit a home run. Did you see the new RNC ad about President Moneybags? It's priceless. Americans didn't elect a president so they could buy him a dog. If we can keep the focus on the dog, we can get back to the good ol' days of Republican rule. The tide is turning!
Michael in MD
Dear Michael,
We regret to inform you that the rules of baseball offer two ways to hit a home run, but both of them involve making contact with a pitched ball. Striking out, then triumphantly running around the bases, is not a home run. It's called delay of game.
As for President Obama's dog, you do know the American people didn't buy Bo, right? Bo was given to the first family by Senator Ted Kennedy, after having been rescued from a family who could not keep him. (Bo, not the Senator.) The tide you feel is turning is an incoming tsunami of public revulsion.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
The liberal media is unfair. First they criticize Republicans for not having any ideas of our own. But then when I come up with a brilliant idea - replacing Social Security with individual savings accounts to reduce federal spending - they criticize that too. How are Republicans supposed to win if the liberal media criticize all of our good ideas?
Mark in SC
Dear Mark,
If that's an example of your good ideas, we shudder at the thought of your bad ones. Sadly, this isn't even a new idea. Maybe you've blocked out your memories of the Bush administration - many of us would like to - but former President Bush proposed this same scheme in 2005. He even said that's how he would spend the political capital he'd amassed in the 2004 election. The idea of privatizing Social Security died a quick and ignominious death in a Republican-dominated Congress. After the Wall Street meltdown in 2008, a whole lot of Americans - including many soon to be former members of your party - breathed a sigh of relief that at least Social Security hadn't gone down with that ship. We wonder what your next "good idea" will be. Perhaps you'll propose we dispose of the U.S. Constitution in favor of the Articles of Confederation?
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
It's snooty liberals like you that are why so many Texans are giving serious thought to my idea of forming our own country. And I bet it's not only Texans. I can imagine secession movements pop up all over the country, if he keeps pushing his totalitarian agenda and ignoring the Tenth Amendment. Americans don't trust centralized government, and we Texans will lead the way forward into the loose confederation of fully sovereign states our framers originally intended. Just you wait and see.
Rick in TX
Dear Rick,
Oh dear. We thought that absurd enough to be a joke, and you took it seriously? You do realize we tried the "loose confederation of fully sovereign states" idea, and it didn't work. The secession idea has been tried before too and while you may imagine such movements emerging all over the country, there are limits to imagination. For example, we imagine a world enlightened by principled reason where people learn from historical mistakes and scientific developments to adopt attitudes that can carry humankind forward into the 21st century. Then we turn on the TV and see you....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Sure, sit there smugly yukking it up, but your forward looking ideas won't work. I mean, look at the Senate dining hall. We had to turn it over to a private company because it was losing money. And you want to do that with health care. Why can't you liberals realize government can't do anything well?
Chuck in IA
Dear Chuck,
Perhaps we've missed it as we certainly can't read every story, but we've read no news accounts about one in six senators suffering malnutrition. So while the Senate dining hall might not have been profitable, it was serving its purpose far better than does our private health care system. We concede that government run by conservatives does little well, but we suggest that a lingerie shop run by the Sisters of Perpetual Glowering would be equally prone to fail.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm pretty good in the kitchen and I know how to make an omelet, but I've never cooked Cajun. What fillings and seasonings does Chef use?
Thinking Spicy in Blogistan
Dear Spicy,
Chef dices roast chicken breast and dusts it with her homemade chicken spice mix, a blend of two parts paprika and one part each of black pepper, white pepper, red pepper, celery salt, onion powder, garlic powder, sage, ground rosemary, ground thyme, and lemon zest. She dusts diced green peppers and onions with the same spice mix, and sautees all three in olive oil, then lets them cool to room temperature before adding them and the shredded cheddar jack cheese to the omelets. Chef's recipe will definitely wake up those taste buds. Bon appétit!
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Happy Sunday!