When last we left our intrepid single gay Father/superhero Dad Brian-
We all became ill, (from mold in the new duct work) Ben with terrible persistent nose bleeds, Bryce and I with upper respiratory issues accompanied by rashes, conjunctivitis and breathing issues. Brian's mother’s health also continued to deteriorate.
Ben is half done with first grade and he is a remarkable and loving little boy and I am very proud of him as a person. I respect my son. Bryce is growing in leaps and bounds on a daily basis and his personality has emerged in full force along with all of the things about a three year old that makes me cry for a martini and a night off.
I also know I can make it through, alone if necessary and the boys and I will be fine. I would rather not proceed that way but as much as I strive for balance there are times that there is no balance and life is weighted totally to the children and that is the way it is. So someone out there has to understand that what few precious moments we get alone as parents, whoever we share those precious moments with should realize just how special those moments are.
So I find myself with a few minutes between conference calls and the like, while Bryce is working with his teacher, to gather my thoughts and continue writing about this journey. I am calling it a journey as the ground is too uncertain right now to call it anything else and we just keep moving it along.
The boys are doing well. Bryce is almost 3, his birthday is in a few weeks, and we are having a family party for him. He is FINALLY getting potty trained and I can actually see an end to diapers. I will be so happy for that moment when I can be done with that portion. We finally got all the kids clothes back into the house only to find out that almost everything in the bags was too small. I moved out of the house in July and took little with me and just bought as well went along and continued to wear what we had.... Well in 6 months the boys are HUGE. Bryce skipped along and went right to 4 t and Ben is now in 6/7 as he is so tall. He is as skinny as a rail again as he has been going through growth spurts. All my boys do is eat...last night they each managed to shell and consume 2 bowls of pasta and 2 POUNDS of mussels each! It is pretty funny actually. They are happy healthy boys whose imaginations and vocabulary grow daily.
I survived Ben’s surgery. I say I as it was probably the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. I have had open heart surgery but to go through it with your child is probably the most terrifying thing that a parent could do. There are very few times that I loathe being a single parent but this was one of them. No one prepares you for certain things in parenting and you just deal with them when you get there, like when you hold your son down while he screams into a gas mask as he is being put out. I will never forget that. I must have hit the door to the OR at 100 miles per hour and broke into tears the minute I was out of there. But, there was no one there to console me. It is a moment like that where one realizes the bravery it takes to do this and that there are many ways to test a person’s strength, single parenting being one of them. Ben made it through it fine. I was traumatized for about 2 weeks after however. All because of the negligence of others and the failure of a huge bonus paying company to live up to what I pay them for, protection.
Well, my first children’s book is back from the artist. It is beautiful and the testing with folks have been positive. I am hoping to find someplace to get it published. Any Ideas? Work is horrible and layoffs are a weekly occurrence at this point. The environment is toxic and I do all I can to shield myself from it. The lawsuits against the insurance companies are progressing at a snail’s pace and I now know why everyone jokes about lawyers. It seems all is in slow motion. So, we trudge along. Additionally, I am tired of winter. My lord, I am such a whiner at this point....LOL!
My mother is having surgery this month and Bryce will turn three. I am hopeful for her but not overly confident at her ability to make it through the surgery and the recuperative period. Think she is just tired and wants to go. I am taking 7 kids for Japanese food on Valentine’s Day as I am giving that as a gift to 4 close friends of mine. I have had my kids out for "Food Adventures" since they were little and I am doing the same with my friends Children. Ben picked the restaurant... LOL, he wants Sushi! We went for Indian food the other night and it was a riot. The waitress was stumped as to how to deal with my little eaters and as to where their mother was. She said to Ben, so where is your mama....to which he replied..."Not everyone has a mom, ya know!"....He was rude and she was presumptuous so I called it even and chuckled as we left. He knows how to stand up for himself.
Oh well, here is to another day and the kids being alright! May your days be filled with "peace of love" and your children happy and healthy! Lastly, may you remain sane during the rest of the winter!
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So I used to think that there were 2 things in a little boy’s arsenal that could leave you swearing in the middle of the night after you stepped on it, a matchbox and a Lego. Well, there are new dangers from a toy, seemingly smooth, round and innocent; a Bahukgan. Well that is until you find out that during your 3 A.M. trips to the bathroom that these little jewels, with their little weapons, lie open on the bathroom floor, complete with their little spears and you step down on one and draw a pint of blood and more than a few choice words from me. So, I am up earlier than normal and with the little time I have had, I thought I would catch up on the past month and what has been going on.
The kids are great and growing in leaps and bounds. Bryce is completely conversant and also just as obstinate as ever. He is the cutest little shit on the planet. We celebrated his third birthday with friends and chosen family. His brother hosted the party. I thought by putting each brother in charge of hosting the party it would give them a sense of ownership and then I could reward the host with a gift to avoid the inevitable (sniff....I did not get a present) that way it always give them the responsibility of taking care of each other’s birthday.
I used to think Bryce would never talk, now I have 2 magpies who do not shut up. Benjamin the questioner, he is like living the Socratic method of law school on a daily basis. Bryce is the statement maker...only when he is done making an assessment does it spill out and then there is no changing his mind. They are both leaders in this family and on this planet and for that I am both cursed and thankful.
Speaking of Birthday’s mine was yesterday and passed virtually unnoticed by all. The day before I was bitchy and morose. That was more due to the fact that I got hit with the flu so bad that I had been delirious the day before. My best friends came and took the kids for an overnight as I was too sick to care for my own kids. That was a first; it made me think I need a better disaster plan... but then again there is only so much one super hero single dad can plan for. I will add it to my list of what to do when locusts descend, and the rivers turn to blood. My birthday began with my mother having a heart attack at rehab and me throwing the kids at neighbors while I flew up there to see what was going on and facilitate a transfer to a local hospital.
I spent most of the month of February with my mother in surgery or out of it in a state of constant pain and bad news just kept coming. I feel horrible for her but the basic fact is that she is in a death and dying process and she needs to attend to it. The rest of my family as usual are on the vacation property we have in Egypt along the river (de-nile) and playing the camel game, with their heads buried in the sand. No amount of reality seems to shake them from this constant state of being. I can say that my kids are at least prepared and are doing well and despite the fact I struggled with how to embark on the venture of explanation as it pertains to death and dying, they are both doing well and I think that has a lot to do with being raised in a spiritual way...OK so the leftist, gay radical dad who fought religion all his life takes comfort in it now as well as community!
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Well it is approaching April and we headed to the Beach House last night. The sleepy New England beach town is still covered in snow and the yard I thought I would be able to get cleaned up is far from awake. The boys slept longer than usual as did I. I always sleep better up here with the ocean air less than 2 blocks away.
My mother’s health albeit abysmal, has stabilized and I am slowly returning to what I consider to be a normal life absent constant upset. I feel as though I have been doing a lot of cleaning up, both literally and figuratively. I let go of some useless relationships and made a decision that to pare down my life was in order. In furtherance of the events of last year, I guess I keep throwing things out so that they do not "Mold" in my life, relationships, fears, papers, old outdated notions and things that tie me back. I feel that it is a positive time in my life despite the constant letting go.
However, I also feel that it is a time of amalgamation. I was recently going through my strong box as I continued to consolidate and protect things and get rid of things with little to no significance. In the box were lots of pieces of jewelry that I had accumulated over the years. Some of them were parts of my past, others a part of a loved person that had become an angel to watch over me. Through the years I had given some pieces of jewelry to "chosen" family as they had become part of my present (Besides, I am not the type to wear it and drag is, was, and always will be out of the question for me... I would look like Mrs. Doubtfire).
I looked over all of it and realized that unbeknown to me I have all of our birth stones and the stones signifying destiny and eternal love, a diamond. So I bagged up all the stuff and took it to a favorite jeweler that I had admired for years. I explained that I wanted to create a family ring out of my past and reminding me of my present and the hope I have for my future. OK, so I gave myself a birthday present. The rendering is awesome and is being crafted now. So from the old, I convert useless into useful, the gay version of recycling.
I took the day off yesterday to complete an entire page of errands that I have not been able to get to or I did not want to take the kids to. For instance imagine sitting at the DMV with your kids... NO WAY! I need a drink by the time I get done there, never mind if I had the kids with me. After a day there, having inspections done on both cars, sitting in waiting rooms, I then went onto shopping. I went to get the kids new bikes and ended up getting myself one as well... so with 3 bikes a new bike rack and the mini-van, I trod into the realization that I had become what the Christian Right Wing fears most and that, I was about to lose my membership card to the purple mafia!
I also bought Ben a piano (an inexpensive, electronic one) as he is a piano prodigy, and got Bryce signed up for T-Ball and got him the stuff he needed for that... and then resigned myself to having no weekends until July! Oh well, it is worth it, but I realized that they are growing up fast and yes perish the thought, I would like another baby! Someone save me from myself. Ok, the boys are hungry (so what else is new) and want to head out to breakfast, so , off we go into the last part of March and hopefully April will just bring flowers as I am so over this winter stuff!
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You can follow more of the 3B's adventures in GLBT adoption by visiting their website at ProudParenting, which is a GLBT adoption web resource with loads of useful information and blogs from many GLBT parents from across the country.