Republican lawmakers are strongly coming out in opposition to providing Americans a Universal Fire Protection Bill so that every American can have a fire put out if one is accidentally started somewhere. It is estimated that around 75 Million people live outside or at the edges of current fire protection zones.
"This bill would put a bureaucrat between you and your firemen," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "We need to ensure that the government does not ration fire services, and that the principles of the free market are not destroyed."
The CBO estimates that the President’s plan would cost 1.6 Trillion dollars. This estimate does not take into account the value of the property that would be saved from destruction by fire.
"Some people are just going to have their house burn down," said Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House in a recent appearance on Fox News, "it sucks to be them, but this will cost too much. We need the money for blowing shit up in the Middle East."
A group of GOP congressional members have proposed an alternative plan emphasizing heavy distribution of garden hoses and super soakers for those who do not currently live in a fire protection district. Their two page plan consisted of a cover page and this:
When asked about the fact that they already receive federal government fire protection as members of congress, one GOP leader, who declined to be identified, responded:
"That’s different; we’re important members of society. Every important and wealthy person should be covered because their houses are worth more."
Democrats argue that providing residences and businesses with fire protection would free them up to hire workers that are more at risk of starting fires and allow them to hire more workers with the money they used to have to spend on covering all their workers.
Every American has the right to big trucks and hoses when something they own is burning.
said current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Despite the fact that 72 percent of those polled say they would like the option of having a government truck put out their fire, the GOP and several dissenting Democrats say that government trucks are too big and slow to put out a fire well. Senator Kent Conrad (D-ND) weighed in:
[The Government] couldn’t possibly put out fires as well as private companies could, but if we let them try, all those companies will go out of business because they would cheat by putting fire houses everywhere. The companies couldn’t afford to do that and make a profit at the same time. We feel that it would be un-American to allow that to happen.
The same group that opposes this plan also released a statement in opposition to all these other government services:
Libraries
Post office
Police Protection
Medicare
Medicaid
Social Security
The FDIC
Free Puppies for cancer patients
Roads and bridges
Electricity infrastructure
The EPA
The FDA
Unregulated personal oxygen consumption
Public education
Military Defense
Sewers
Air Traffic Controlers
Rainbows and butterflies.
Call your Senator and tell them you think Government fire protection is a good thing:
And while you're at it, tell them to give us our freakin' Public Option already!
(list blatantly stolen from Slinkerwink, h/t!)
Please CALL Senator Max Baucus at (202) 224-2651
Please CALL Senator Olympia Snowe at (202) 224-5344
Please CALL Senator Charles Schumer at 202-224-6542
Please CALL Senator Edward Kennedy at (202) 224-4543
Please CALL Senator John Rockefeller at (202) 224-6472
Please CALL Senator Ron Wyden at (202) 224-5244
Please CALL Senator Kent Conrad at (202) 224-2043
Please CALL Senator Jeff Bingaman at (202) 224-5521
Please CALL Senator John Kerry at (202) 224-2742
Please CALL Senator Blanche Lincoln at 202-224-4843
Please CALL Senator Debbie Stabenow at (202) 224-4822
Please CALL Senator Maria Cantwell at 202-224-3441
Please CALL Senator Bill Nelson at 202-224-5274
Please CALL Senator Robert Menendez at 202-224-4744
Please CALL Senator Thomas Carper at (202) 224-2441
Update 1:
From the comments (h/t to unionyes), a video from HAARM that adds to the theme: