America is great. Perfect, really. What makes America great and perfect? Before I answer, it's important to note that America's greatness and perfectness far exceeds every other nation in every capacity. Just name a country. That country is less great than America. So what makes America so great? Your a traitor for asking. America is great because it is. Its greatness does not require any maintaining or effort from its people. We may simply kick our feet up, turn on our televisions, and allow the greatness to swell around us, like the purring of a magnificent Harley Davidson motorcycle. America's greatness is self-propelling, a machine of infinite power. America is not just blessed by God, America is God, infallible, eternal, all knowing, and good.
The democratically elected leader of America is a traitor.
His mission is to destroy America. He's going to destroy America by increasing the power of the American government. America is great and perfect, but the institution that grants America its sovereignty is wicked and evil and must be stopped at all costs. America is indestructible, but the American government could destroy America.
The most important thing in America is the rule of law. We need judges who respect the constitution, and interpret it the way it was meant to be interpreted: Like a computer code. The word abortion is not in the constitution, therefore, there should be no laws granting abortion rights. The word shoelace is also not in the constitution, so there should be no law granting shoelace rights. That's how strict constructionism works. It's crazy, but we have to follow the constitution to the letter.
I have decided the president is not a citizen. He has no birth certificate. His birth certificate is a forgery. I have decided this. As an American citizen, I have the right to decide who is and who is not an American citizen. If you were an American citizen, you could decide that I am not an American citizen, but I have decided that you are not an American citizen, so you can't.
The private sector is freedom. The government sector is tyranny.
FedEx = Freedom
USPS = Tyranny
Also, public schools are tyrannical, and so are libraries. The only governmental institutions that are not tyrannical are ones that arm their employees, like the army, and cops. If public school teachers carried firearms they would be free.
The greatest thing about America is freedom. Also, working. The more you work, the more you are free. If you work two jobs, then you are very free. Three jobs, you are super-free. The greatest way you could celebrate your freedom is to work three jobs and never take a vacation. If you worked four jobs, you might explode like the 4th of July. That would be sweet.
We have the greatest health care system in the world. It's worth trillions. If the Grand Canyon were filled with diamonds, that's how much our health care system would be worth. Other country's health care systems aren't worth nearly as much, so they suck. Also, they have government bureaucrats making health decisions, and that is evil because there's no profit involved. The American health care system makes people accountable for their health. They know that if they get cancer, they'll have to pay for it themselves, so the smart people don't get cancer. If you do get cancer, it's your own fault.
The greatest thing about America is freedom. The opposite of freedom is socialism, which is another word for communism. In communist countries, people were forced to say they loved communism. Nothing like that would ever happen in America.
The greatest thing about America is freedom. We have the freedom to invent our own realities. In my reality, the world is 10,000 years old. In my reality, the earth is cooling. In my reality, America is center-right. Because I have freedom, I can decide these things are true. That's what freedom means.
Raising the tax rate 3% on people making more than $200,000 a year is socialism.
People in the northeast hate America. They are terrorists. The worst thing that ever happened to America was when people in the northeast were attacked by terrorists. They were attacked because God lifted his cone of protection. He wanted them to be attacked. Everything that happens is good because God let it happen.
I hate the president because he's so divisive. His divisiveness makes me so angry! It makes me stomp around my apartment and pull my hair out and scream he's so divisive!!
To prove just how bad and divisive he is, I'm organizing tea parties. We drink various blends. I'm especially fond a Keemun tea from China. I'm also partial to a Gyokuro Asahina, which is a Japanese Green. I organized a tea party on the 4th of July, and the entire nation came.
The worst thing you could be is a traitor to the American people. The most patriotic thing you could do is secede from the Union. That proves how much you love America.
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UPDATE
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