UPDATE: I thank everyone who commented! I tackled a complex issue and not in the most thoughtful way. But your comments helped me frame that one question in my mind. Is it: "Boys will be boys?" or "With guidance (not coercion!) boys will be judicious men one day?"
As pointed out, there is no research on children's sexuality, we can therefore only speculate.
PREVIOUSLY: I am more than eager to hear comments from the Daily Kos community on the solution I am going to propose here (which is political because public schools are ruled by politicians and Republicans always rule the wrong way).
It all started with this recent news story that made me aware of the problem. I am not going to discuss the politics of this case as that is not the focus of this diary. I do agree that the Iowa solution should be implemented here too. Again, that is beside the point.
My story (as opposed to the news story) starts here: We were driving over the bridge when my daughter asked me about the purpose of those tents that we could see near the bridge. I explained to her that those belonged to sexual offenders who are not allowed to live anywhere in Miami Beach or within 2,000 feet of a school or day-care center.
I explained to her that these men have sexual problems and had "touched someone inappropriately" and gone to jail and had been released. She then saw a homeless guy asking money at the red light and asked fearfully if he was one of them. I said, "Maybe, but you should know that sex offenders are not only poor homeless men, while they are usually men, some are lawyers, engineers, doctors, priests, rabbis, any kind of man can be sexually sick". My daughter exclaimed in astonishment: "doctors?" I said, yes, doctors too. (Has anyone seen "How to catch a predator" in MSNBC?) And she said: "Like the doctor student from the magazine?" She was alluding to the Craigslist killer, whose photo we had seen in a tabloid magazine at the local supermarket and I had explained to her who he was. She then declared: "It’s going to be really hard to find a good man when I grow up."
In that statement resides the motivation for writing this diary. It is the sad truth that most sexual offenders, those with minor offenses (pornography, etc) to worst offenses are of the male gender. Among the 100 men under the bridge there is only one woman:
http://www.palmbeachpost.com/...
Now, we could argue forever, about what to do with these offenders. We could argue about some new therapy that will cure them of their incontrollable impulses (although there is consensus among experts that these men are incorrigible and that offenders always re-offend). We could argue as I alluded previously that some of the offenses should receive a milder punishment. But I want to argue about something else. I want to argue about my daughter’s statement and I want to argue about prevention.
I see all these little boys in elementary school, and they are still cute and appear innocent and I ask myself is it preventable? In order to answer that we should ask: What causes a man to become a sex offender? And, most importantly, why are there more men than women sex offenders? Does that provide us with a clue as to the cause of sex offenses? I think so. And I think it is a mixture of physical and psychological problem. And there are those "other" (legal) sexual activities that are carried out mostly by men, such as seeking prostitutes or going to strip clubs. Hey, do not get me wrong, I know guys who once in a while visit a strip club, for example, Joe the plumber, Rush Limbaugh, that kind of guys. Well, kidding aside. I am not the sex police. That is not were I am going, but this had to be said.
Where I am going is, let’s say you are a father or a mother and have a daughter who tells you it is going to be difficult to find a good man. If you don’t have children imagine how you would feel in our place. Would you like your daughter to marry a guy who goes to prostitutes? A guy who rapes? Worse, a guy who rapes children? I will tell you that it is very difficult to tell initially who is bad and who is good. Men are good at hiding their perversions (I mean think of the diaper-guy Vitter, the Larry Craigs of this world, the Elliot Spitzers to not only blame one party). And the question is, again why are there so many men falling under these categories: soliciting prostitutes, raping, sexual offenses, even woman-izers (have you heard of man-izers?) I think this is all linked together.
And I claim that there is one common cause that makes men fall into these categories but not women. And it all has to do with adolescence and sexual awakening.
It is reprehensible that so little research has been done on boy’s adolescence and boy’s sexual practices and their consequences. Here is a site that discusses some of it (girls and boys):
http://www.ethicaltreatment.org/...
Researchers agree that there is a fundamental lack of knowledge about children's sexual behavior and what is scientifically defined as normal. Due to the taboo surrounding youth sexuality and to legal and political constraints, little research has been conducted
I have been wondering about this for many years, given that in my family we have this sick nutjob, who picks up 13 year old girls from the slums and pays them for sex (in South America). From what I know, this man was in a catholic boarding school during his adolescence, away from his parents and was initiated into this "practice" by a priest who unlike other priests had a preference for young girls instead of boys. Initiating young boys into sex by taking them to prostitutes is common practice in South America, however not with 13 year old girls.
A few years ago, I read this autobiographical book: "Under the Apple Tree" by Dan Wakefield. The novel’s main theme is not adolescent sexuality but the coming of age in America during World War II. That of course involves some wading into sexual issues, and this time from a boy’s perspective. This is where it is going to be 100% clear that I am a woman, even though everyone might have guessed it, I tried to hide it a bit, worried that men may not keep reading. As a woman who does not know anything about a boy’s sexual awakening, I was amazed by how the book described the first sexual feelings and actions of this boy (disclaimer: only about a sixth of the book deals with these issues).
In fact I have kept the book to give it to my daughter to read later to understand the boy’s perspective on sexuality. (Many of you will think that it is different for everybody – true, but I do think the book captures the essence of sexuality in boys – the descriptions make so much sense). This is the only book I have read that describes the sexual thoughts and feelings of a boy growing up (in a regular, middle-class family). I realized for the first time that no matter what upbringing, what class, what race, given that the genitals in a boy are external and "easily accessible", masturbation at an early age is unavoidable for a boy. This may be clear for many of you (men), and perhaps, mothers of sons, but we forget how early it occurs and fail to consider what goes on in a boy’s mind when he first pursues these activities and feelings.
The book captures the boy’s strong feelings during masturbation and his feeling of shame afterwards. He does not seem to receive much guidance beyond a Boy Scout camp commander who calls him to his office after the boy is caught in flagranti when he into his cabin in the middle of the day. The commander in a speech to the boy, referred to a section titled "conservation" in the "Health and Safety" manual that all Boy Scouts were supposed to read. The commander also mentioned the part in the Bible that talks about how it is wrong to "spill your seeds". In fact the commander’s speech was very funny, but the commander’s word were also very kind, he told the boy that "all boys have such desires" making him feel normal, but told him to "control those urges".
In the book as far as I know, this episode seemed to have helped the boy deal with this situation as the book narrative shifts to other topics.
I am finally arriving at exposing the specific aim of this diary. I will do it with this question: How important is it that a boy finds a caring older person who can offer guidance about these things, reassuring him that it is normal, reminding him not to overdo it because it may have negative consequences for himself? And what happens if a boy does not have such a person in his life and is overwhelmed by these new feelings? What if he is very immature and lacks self-control, and harbors feeling of shame?
It was recently announced that the UK public health program will "encourage masturbation":
http://www.livescience.com/...
Not exactly what I had in mind, but if you read that article you will also read something very interesting and this goes to the heart of what I propose as a solution to prevent adolescent boys from becoming sexually-disoriented men:
When Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested during a talk at the United Nations AIDS Day 1994 that kids should learn about masturbation, she was asked to resign by President Clinton, who caved in under intense pressure from conservatives. Elders had simply suggested that age-appropriate information about masturbation should be included in school curriculum.
As always: Republicans destroying chances of progress in society. But to go one step further, what I would like to see is exactly what is stated in a comment by norther_nonsense in that same link:
But seriously, it's not the kids who need sex ed, it's the pitiful parents who learned everything they know from watching skinemax and skanky porn videos they stole from their parents. Once they are educated and they can talk about sex without giggling, THEN they'll be adult enough to be having it, and wise enough to pass that info on to the next generation!
Right? Right!
In the book, why was it a Boy Scout counselor and not the parents who had that talk with the boy?
Public schools should send letters home to the parents (although I have heard many don’t read them anyways) and remind them to talk to their boys! Because one cannot trust the parents, schools should rather invite parents to an orientation seminar. And schools should include this type of conversation in sex ed classes, but separate the boys from the girls, because my point is, boys need this talk more than girls.
Would that help prevent at least some boys growing up into men obsessed or addicted to unhealthy/destructive sex practices? Or am I grasping for straws?