There have been better diaries than this about the deathers fear of end of life conversations. I don't think I probably have much to add but this:
End of life decisions, and DNR decisions are not simply about a long process of dying. For the elderly, particularly elderly women, this can be the difference between dying a natural dignified death or dying horrifically, painfully, and suddenly because your rib cage and chest wall are crushed and force broken ribs back, puncturing your lungs and heart; this can be the actual impact on those with advanced osteoporosis of the standard chest compression measures EMTs or Emergency Department or Hospital staff are currently forced to perform to "save" your life.
My beloved mother is 94 and weighs 85 pounds. She has osteoporosis and congestive heart failure. For her and for our family, the conversation with her doctor about what was involved in any decision to have or not to have a DNR order was illuminating. My mother, good soul that she has always been and is, could not countenance the thought that dedicated and professional EMTs or medical personnel might bear any responsibility for hastening her death in their attempt to "save" her life because standard medical procedures require these acts of them.
For mom, her DNR decision is not about saving money, it isn't about national health care costs, or actuarial tables, it isn't about "deathers" or "crazy death panels", this is about living her life with the dignity she has earned, and maintaining, to the very end, her respect and appreciation and empathy for others. It is who she is. And these "Living with Dignity" conversations are the least we, as a nation, can agree to pay for, so that each person can make the most informed choice that is most consistent with who they are, about how they wish to live, even to the very end.