I think there is something wrong with me ... not physically. I have the usual aches and pains of a 60 year old, the usual problems that being uninsured brings (Can I afford to go to the doc and get the tamiflu vacine or should I wait until I get sick?), the usual self esteem issues of the under/un-employed (What's wrong with me that I can no longer get a decent job?), the usual nawing money questions of someone who lives on the edge financially. Those are the usual and I am learning to live with them.
But there is SOMETHING wrong with me. I can't seem to get away from this site.
I had decided that today I just had to stay away from Daily Kos. I have been getting too depressed from all the reading I have been doing. Harry Reid is a Republican mole. Obama isn't doing enough. The administration has sold us down the tubes. There is an economic recovery ... no. wait, it is a false bounce. I begin to feel helpless just reading the titles of the dairies. So I thought to take the day off and do other things.
But it is not working.
I might be feeling depressed and helpless, but I keep coming back. Today, I have already made me some candles (new learning toy for me; I like me some crafty toys). But after the candles, I came and checked to see if anyone had anything about the Sunday talking head shows. Then I decided that I needed to do something less depressing and I went and made bread ... always great theapy for me; chagrined, I found that I was on DKos again ... eating a chuck of freshly baked bread and drinkinng some good iced white tea. Then I decided if I am going to be on the computer, I will go play computer games and get the world in order. Did that ... now here I am again.
So what keeps me coming back? Why do I feel like this is my community ... when I don't know you and sometimes just want to throw something at you (figurative speaking cause I can't afford a new computer), when I frequently feel rather uninformed (OK I feel stupid) and a little (OK alot) like a couch potato when I read what you write about what you are feeling and doing.
Once upon a time I was I was young and vibrant ... did all the political things. My daughter has a very early memory of marching for the ERA (What do we want? ERA!/When do we want it? Now!) Even in 2004, I volunteered with MoveOn, went New Mexico and participated to taking people to the polls to vote. Now just surviving takes so much time and energy that I feel like I can't find me. The last week of July I dutifully called all the numbers in one of diaries about health care ... but I cried through all of the calls and was exhausted for hours. Not what I used to be.
So why do I keep coming back? I guess because I love the passion, the energy and the spirit of the people here. I guess I keep coming back because I think you are wonderful ... even when I disagree with you or when I don't understand you.
Maybe what's wrong with me is just that I am so grateful that your exist. Thank you!