Okay, so I finally 'fessed up to you all this June what I've been doing for the past twenty years. No, not honing my snark sword, or sharpening icicles to jam in my ears when concerts go horribly wrong. I've been wrangling this nasty beast with a wimpy name (but a fearsome bite) called chronic fatigue syndrome. CFS nearly slayed me, but now I've mostly become its master. That's the Readers' Digest, anyway. You'll have to wait a little longer for the book and the major motion picture, starring a blonde Julia Roberts.
So now I'm trying to get back to the whole "life" thingie. You know, living, as opposed to just scratching and clawing and struggling to survive another day. But I'm coming up against a few problems.
- I may have forgotten how to do a lot of stuff.
- There's a lot of stuff I missed learning in the two decades I was busy with, you know, trying to survive.
- I think the world may have gone to hell in a handbasket "while I was out."
My questions for you, O Wise and Orange Ones: When did douchenozzlery replace basic human decency? And why didn't I get the memo?
The public sphere, over the past several days, has featured a plethora of public dirtbaggitude. Joe Wilson's "liar, liar, pants on fire" outburst. Kanye West's "my friend's video was the bestest!" hissy fit. Serena Williams' "I'm gonna shove this tennis ball down your fuckin' throat" tirade. All behavior for which I would have spanked a toddler--and I'm a vehement opponent of corporal punishment. So what is the 2009 equivalent of The Naughty Corner? TONS of press coverage for The Tantrum. And a little bit more for The Apology, however half-hearted or lame the "I'm Sorry" may be.
What concerns me, frankly, far more, however: How we all treat each other, in the public sphere and especially privately. To me, these headline-grabbing examples are just manifestations of how far basic decency has fallen in our society. I'm talking about something far more fundamental than manners and etiquette.
I'm wondering: How much are we seeing other people as people anymore? As individual humans, with feelings, needs, desires, dreams? Can you really toss around a venomous (and ultimately meaningless) stew of hate-filled slogans at your political opponents if you think for a minute about them as people...with children and friends and a favorite uncle Fred and a pet Lab named Oscar?
For me personally, I've missed two decades of, well, everything. Starting from scratch in this new, seemingly less kind-and-gentle world has been, um, well, interesting. Building a career--okay, I've started making up some ground on that, slowly. Wordsmithing, fortunately, has not yet gone the way of blacksmithing, so I'll be okay there. I'm my own toughest critic...and when you're a writer, that's a good thing. It makes editors happy when they don't have much to do.
But building a family? Well, apparently that starts with something called "dating." I have about as much experience with that as your average 13-year-old, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. And what little background I did have from all those years ago suddenly seems irrelevant in this new Age of the Douchenozzle.
The truism that "all the good ones are either gay or married" is, of course, true. Only now many of the good ones are gay AND married. I'm a huge supporter of civil rights for all, but c'mon, this is salt in the wound for the single straight girl! [Just kidding...Some of my best friends are married gay guys!]
In the good old Hawaii of my youth, we were raised to be open and trusting and loving. It seems that being open and trusting and loving these days, however, is waving a red flag--tempting El Toro to charge. It invites even someone who seems--after, let's say, two months of kind, thoughtful, charming interaction--to bring on the D-nozzle behavior whenever he damn well feels like it.
Because if it's okay for Congressmen and rappers and tennis stars, then why not Average Guy? Why does a mere would-be, not-yet boyfriend have to behave with common decency? And, you know, pick up the fucking phone to say, 'Hey, I don't think this is working out?' Gee, my 18-year-old nephew, who was raised right by his momma, immediately recognized that behavior as 'inexcusable.' But a grown 'man'...not so much?
Can anyone pinpoint for me exactly when common decency died, and douchenozzlery took its place? Because I don't really know why I fought so hard, for so long, to survive...if it was only to end up in a world like this. Alone and unhappy because I'm unable to trust anybody I didn't know from the P.D. (pre-douchenozzlery) era.
P.S.: Please go to my good friendColorado is the Shiznit's diary, and pitch in to help her if you can.
UPDATE at 1am: Dealing with douchenozzlery has utterly drained me, and I'm headed off to bed. I'd still really love some concrete suggestions for how a tenderhearted old middleaged 29ish softie like me can survive--can THRIVE--in this rough-and-tumble new douche-ified world. 'Cause I've fought a really tough battle alone for 20 years. Can't do the "alone" thing anymore. But I can't be a doormat for douchenozzles either.