In January of 2007, Nancy Pelosi said that impeachment was "Off the Table" before the Democrats even took control of Congress. Like many others here at Daily Kos, I was seething. I said in a comment, "What a B----!"
Fortunately, someone corrected me rather gently and told me that it was sexist and demeaning to call any woman a "B----" even if their actions were utterly indefensible. I could search through the comments and find out who corrected me, but the important thing is that she did – and was able to do so in a way that got through my think skull, too. I now believe that it is inexcusable to call any women a "B----" for any reason.
"B----" and "N-----" and "F----- / D---" are all really the same word with different letters. Say them out loud – if you are not too upset by doing so. Listen to the sounds. Not only are they the same word, they sound the same. They exist only to humiliate another person – usually a member of a group that holds second-class standing in the larger society. And, most importantly, they contain within them the implicit threat of violence.
There is the school of thought that it is fine for a woman to call herself or another woman a "B-----" or for African American to use the "N-----" word or for a gay man to call a another gay man a "F--". But is it? In a recent discussion, a woman told me that calling herself a "B----" was empowering. My response was that there were two kinds of slaves on Southern plantations, field "N-----" and house "N-----", but that each existed within the overall context of slavery. I feel the same about "N-----" and "F----- / D---". Rather than reduce the implied violence, they only enhance it.
The current level of racism in the United States is off the charts. The fast backtracking of various Democrats – including the administration – after Jimmy Carter’s statement on racism shows how terrified we are of even opening the lid to peek inside. Yet, a deep and pervasive sexism continues to exist as well. One of the worst comments I ever saw on Daily Kos was after Randi Rhodes called Hillary Clinton a "Fucking Whore" and someone here said, "Well, she is." Foucault was right. We create our own prisons.
I just got out of a nasty exchange on a bicycle touring website that I have contributed to for many years. A recent journal by two young men has numerous references to women – also to a couple of guys – as "B-----s". Now, I am not a charter member of the Wilting Wallflower Society. I am perfectly O.K. with "fuck" and "shit" and even "bitch" in more colloquial usage – such as, "The wind was really a bitch." But to call a young woman flagging traffic a "B-----" is another thing altogether.
I believe that language has meaning. I believe that language cements deeply-rooted cultural patterns. It was no accident that one of the killers of James Byrd in Jasper, Texas had the words "Aryan Nation" tattooed on his body. It does not take much to imagine what Matt Shepard’s murderers yelled at him as they pistol whipped him on a rail fence outside of Laramie, Wyoming.
My experience at the bicycle touring website was deeply disturbing. Most people thought that the "B----" references were funny and that I was over the top. When I asked whether they would respond similarly had the writers used "N-----" they insisted that it was different – including the site developer. Funny? It reminds me of the days of the Civil Rights Movement when "N-----" jokes were all the rage in the white community. When challenged, white people would say, "What’s the big deal. It’s just a joke."
I remember a discussion here a Daily Kos a while back where one person said that African Americans had been lynched but that it was different for women. Huh? I do not mean to diminish the violence that African Americans have faced and continue to face, but women have been the targets of violence around the world. The difference is that it occurs more often behind closed doors. And for trans women there isn’t even safety in public. Taxi drivers cheered when Amanda Milam had her throat slit in New York.
I can only speak as a gay man. I know what it feels like to hear a group of people hiss out "F-----" on a dark street at night. I have heard the same tone in Alabama when whites would spit out "N-----" – but it cannot have the same meaning for me personally since I am not black. When I hear "B----", I hear the same thing. Am I imagining things? Am I overreacting? I don’t think so.