March 16, 1998: A late-night phone call from my best friend was met with a grimace and an eye roll. "Why is she calling so late?" I wondered, as I picked up the phone.
It wasn't her.
I will never know how her husband mustered the composure to make those calls that night. Perhaps the sudden shock had sent a shot of adrenalin through him. The calls I made as a result of his seemed to be in slow motion. I still remember every word of each conversation. I can still taste the tears. She was in her mid 30's, and left behind two young boys. She was a few years older than me, and I had teased her incessantly. She could hardly wait to throw me a party the following year for my big three-oh. Hard to believe she's been gone 11 years, and that I surpassed her in age.
Now, here I am, rapidly approaching the back cover of this decade, and gearing up to delve into the next volume. For the most part, I tend to have a glass-is-half-full outlook on life, so I have to admit that my thirties have not been all bad, but there are definitely some reasons I'm not sad to see them go. Bad experiences are a part of us; they help to make us what we become. As much as we want to wish them away, such efforts are usually counterproductive. All we can really do is try to move on, sometimes with lessons, and other times at a complete loss.
I won't bore you with all of the details of my life over the last 10 years, but I thought a bit of somewhat random reflection might provide a diversion from today's headlines. I'm not attempting to cover all of the horrific events that happened during this period. These are just a few of my personal lowlights.
9/11. I don't feel the need to elaborate; you were there too. It will never be over.
The Bush Administration dominated my thirties. Rick Perry has been Governor of Texas for most of my thirties, and now threatens my forties. We have to change this. Period. Make fun of Texas if that sort of thing amuses you. I get it, but please understand if I don't laugh along. It has taught me to be careful of stereotypes. For example, you won't catch me mocking South Carolina. Its governor perhaps, and maybe a congressman, but not the state.
I've spent the majority of my career in health insurance. I passively allowed it to claim over half of my twenties and most of my thirties. For the longest time, I actually thought I was doing my community a favor, by keeping hospital rates low and thus premiums down. When I finally came to my senses, I feared that I had wandered so far into the forest that I would not be able to find my way out. I did emerge, and discovered some new paths along the way. I can't say that my current job is much better, but with unemployment being at its highest since I started my career, I don't think now is the time to complain. For now, I'd rather use my hopes on those who are not as fortunate as me. Hang in there, folks; there are better days ahead.
In 2002, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was in her late 30's. Now she's what some call a "survivor," but to me, she's still my big sister, and that's what matters. I'm not sure we'll ever get to use the word "cured" in our lifetime, but I'm doing my part. I've walked thousands of miles in search of a cure. Haven't found it yet, but it's out there somewhere. In case anyone was unaware, San Francisco is much prettier than Dallas, but oh, the hills!
Fast-forward to 2007. I lost an aunt to breast cancer. She had been fighting it for years, and I wore a special bracelet for her on my 60-mile walk in late 2006. I remember the phone call I got when she received it. I knew from her voice that the news was not good. She made it through the holidays.
Also in 2007, anyone remember the pet food recall? Contaminated ingredients from China were blamed for the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands, of pets nationwide. We lost a dog that year, but it wasn't because of contaminated food; it was complications from diabetes. In fact, almost all of the dogs I knew at the time died that year, none of them from the contaminated food. Relatives, friends, neighbors, and coworkers lost their dogs. Most of them actually went due to old age. So many other pets started out perfectly healthy, and died needlessly.
2009 has been up and down. Due to my sister's age at diagnosis, the doctors have been watching me like hawks. Even so, I had a scare a few weeks ago. Thankful for my health insurance, I rushed in to see my doctor. They ran all of the tests, and it turned out to be nothing. I thought of how it was bad news for her, like it has been for so many others, some without insurance. I was lucky this time, but situations change, so I'm not letting my guard down.
Our 2-year-old pup recently died from an aggressive cancer. You can dig down to my other diary about that if you're interested. Linking it here would be akin to ripping off a crusty scab. I just can't bear to do it.
In the political spectrum this year, I've had high hopes, but I'm currently disillusioned, and I know I'm not alone. Maybe it will turn around, but as of this moment, I don't see how.
My mid-life crisis has been raging for several weeks, but I'm done now. My husband, several years ahead of me, has been completely unsympathetic, and that's probably for the best. I'll greet my new leading digit quietly. There won't be a big send-off for the outgoing or a welcome for the incoming. We will spend a day or two in NYC the weekend prior, but that's mainly because my company is flying me up for a meeting.
Yep, I'm ready to bid farewell to this decade. I won't be able to shed the baggage; it's part of me now, and I'm strong enough to carry it. Nope, I'm not afraid to face 40. In fact, it can't get here fast enough. It's not just another number. It's a doorway to the next phase of my life, and as soon as it swings open, I'm running through at full speed.
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This diary was inspired indirectly by a fellow Kossack. I have a lot of pride, and he has been known to severely wound it on occasion. I've been quick to call him out, and I perceive that he appreciates the feedback. This person has also, on more than one occasion, lifted me up after a nasty fall, and I have neglected to thank him adequately. He has had a tough year himself. Knowing the bits and pieces that I do, I've tried to imagine what he must be going through, but I can't. However, the thought process led me to write this diary, thus the indirect inspiration. It's highly unlikely that he'll see this, and even less likely that he'll comment, but that's okay. He already knows to keep going.
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Now this: