I remember a day when Obama was giving a very good speech about diversity and acceptance which included a line to be used as a popular sound byte for all those Obama Drama enthusiasts.
He said that the United States isn't a Christian nation!
"What the hell?!?!?!?!? This is bull shit!!!!!! How could he say such a thing? Let's kill him!! He's the Anti-Christ!! He's a freaking Muslim who wasn't even born here!!!!"
(Continued)
Of course, when hearing the sound byte, that is all that would be played. No need to clarify the context and reason he made the statement. He wasn't acknowledging the fact that not only Christians live in the United States. He wasn't acknowledging the fact that there are actually Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Atheists, Buddhists, and even Scientologists that live alongside Christians in the country we call the United States of America. Let's forget about why he said it and what he meant. Let's just play the sound byte to people who have never listened to more than a 10 second sound byte of Obama's speech and get them all hot and bothered about nothing, because we now how easy it is to do that!!!
So yeah, he said that this isn't a Christian nation.
Then, I began to wonder why someone would or wouldn't consider the United States a Christian nation.
So I asked Jesus to come down from heaven so I could interview him to see if he approved of how we operate here in the United States.
Here's how some of the interview went down:
Me: So, Jesus, the other day Obama was giving a speech and he was all like, "This ain't a Christian nation." And it pissed a bunch of people off!! Everyone was like, Yes this is a Christian nation and if you don't like it then you can move to India or Africa or where ever it is you came from! Because we are Christians here. What do you think? How would you rate the United States on a Christianity scale from 1 to 10?
Jesus: Well, I am Jesus, so this isn't going to be much of an interview because I already know what you're going to ask. And I pretty much know everything. I know the capital of every state. I know how many hairs are on your head, and I can beat Lebron James one on one. So, I'll be asking most of the questions... even though I know what you're going to say. First, let's talk about how the economic system works in the United States. You call it capitalism. How does that work?
Me: Well, capitalism is the greatest economic system in the world. That's why we are the richest nation on the planet. We couldn't choose socialism, because people are lazy in general. If everyone is equal, then why would anyone try? It's all about standing out. It's about being one step above the rest. Tell me this, Jesus. If you were a master carpenter, and I was just an okay one who couldn't make tables or benches as efficiently or cheap as you, would you accept the same wage as I did? No, Jesus, you wouldn't. You would be like, well why should I even try? You would say, why do I even care about my woodwork anymore? You would be like, I'm not getting paid enough, so I'm going to just suck at what I do like everyone else does.
Jesus: Ah, I knew you were going to say that.... because I'm Jesus. Now, I'm not sure if they have been translated to Americano language yet, but when I was down here I said a lot of things and did a lot of things and some books were written about the things I said and did. In one of the books called Matthew chapter 19, there was a rich man who came up to me. He asked me how to get into heaven. I said just follow the commandments good sir. He was like I do. I said, "Go sell all your things and give the money to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. When I said that, he walked away sad because he was very rich and had many things. I then turned to those around me telling them how hard it is for a rich man to enter heaven. I said it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. So, what you said earlier about being the richest nation isn't a very good start. You're capitalistic system will have to earn someone enough profit to figure out a way to fit a camel through the eye of a needle if you want to spend eternity with me. I'm not liking this so far. The desire of profit, money, and wealth is what drives your economy. You won't find much approval of these things in the books that were written about me. I've been receiving a bunch of confusing prayers lately about your president. What are some of the concerns you people have regarding Obama?
Me: Well, first of all, his policies are quite socialistic. His main priority is to provide health care for everyone no matter if they have the money to pay for it or not. It might even be government run. These kinds of policies could hurt the insurance industry, and we could lose jobs. He's a socialist. All he ever talks about is equal rights, equal opportunity, diversity, and bull honkey like that. He's just like Hitler. Hitler was a socialist, and that's where we are heading now that Obama is our president. That's why we pray Jesus. We want to be able to take control again. We Christians need to take back the reigns! We pray that you help us make it happen!
Jesus: Yes, I see why such a Christian nation would be concerned about having to take care of its own people. It could cost too much. What about this health insurance business? It's really "just in case someone doesn't want to take care of you when you're sick or hurt" insurance, right? If every time someone got hurt, there was always someone willing to help, would there be a demand for health insurance? So, I can now see why it's so important to have health insurance in your country. No one wants to take care of anyone without getting paid for it. And paid well, of course. Let me guess, the argument that the best medicine couldn't be developed if someone wasn't getting paid enough to do the stringent demanding research to find the cures works in your country. "People would never learn how to heal and help people if they weren't going to get paid enough because it takes too much time to learn". I should have thought about that when I was down on Earth the first time. I could have made a killing. I could have owned the most radical donkey in town. Everyone thought disease was caused by demons and things like that, but I could walk up to a blind stranger and heal him with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back. My healing powers were in demand.
I can see why socialism would never work in the United States, and why everybody hates it there. Take away the profit motive, and no one would try to help one another. People will help one another for the right price though!
Let's move on to "illegal immigrants", or to what some even call "ALIENS". Ewwww spooky! Surely you are implementing the most important commandment. To love your neighbor as yourself. To treat others like you would like to be treated. Aren't you?
Me: JESUS! Come on! Those people aren't "technically" our neighbors.
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After I said that, Jesus stopped talking to me. He just disappeared into thin air.
I have got to talk some sense into that guy. He just doesn't get it.