Hello Daily Kos...this is my first diary and I'm not too good at this writing thing, so you'll have to excuse me if I tend to ramble a little.. I'm a jumble of nerves, but I have an urgency to write a diary today - a personal tale, some personal thoughts and a personal plea. A tale about health care - how it's affected me, and the people I care about, especially one person in particular that needs help, that I want to help, but I don't know how...my friend, one of my best friends, a girl I care about very much - who may, or may not be in serious medical trouble.
Health insurance, or the lack of, has always been an issue hovering around the edges of my life. I have been a firm supporter of health care reform since before I could officially vote (1998.) I've never had health insurance - I'm not sure of the reason, but I couldn't get it as a child, not private insurance anyway. Perhaps it was too expensive for my parents to afford. My father was disabled, he stopped working when I was around nine, and my mother worked low wage, no insurance jobs. We were living off disability, social security and what meager income our family farm and hog lot brought in.
My parents passed away in 1999 - my father from complications of diabetes in November (gangrene had set in) and my mother from cancer later, a week before Christmas. She had fought it for a year, but caught pneumonia after we went to a Christmas pagent at my uncle's church. I was nineteen, and I can barely remember that winter, but I do remember the hell of trying to navigate her labyrinthian insurance system, trying to understand what they'd paid for and what they hadn't, and wouldn't.
In the end, the hospital bills did finally get paid though -- with the money I recieved from selling the house and property. I will always regret that decision, but I didn't know what else to do...thier life insurance could pay for the hospital bills, the radiation treatments, the medication and the funeral costs, or it could pay to fix the water pipes, the floor and the flooded basement of the house. It couldn't pay both. I was barely out of high school, in the middle of my second year of college and I had no job. I made the choice I had to. But I shouldn't have had to make it.
Since my parents passed, I haven't been able to obtain my degree, due to numerous factors -- namely trying to pull myself out of poverty -- so I've never had a job that's paid over 10 dollars an hour. Mostly less. Most of these jobs offer health insurance only after a year of working, and it's rare that you're kept on a full year, when a company treats it's employee pool like a revolving door. In the rare instances I've managed to keep a job long enough to obtain insurance, it's always been too high. This year I had just managed to pull myself out of soaring debt, I'd saved nearly 4k in my bank account, I was going to be able to move to a cheaper apartment, I was going to be able to afford finishing school -- and I was going to be able to afford insurance.
And then my car engine died and had to be replaced. Then the alternator. The only way I can get to work is with my car. So - savings gone, staying in a terrible place that's too expensive, putting off school yet again, and forgoing insurance in favor of rent.
But my story isn't unique in that.
Because I have no insurance, I have not been to the doctor in a decade except in dire emergencies. And dire means when I sliced off a part of my finger working in a deli - I went to the clinic because they were paying for it. If that had happened at home, it would have gotten an Ace bandage. I've never had any of the physical exams people are supposed to take as an adult, I've only been to the dentist when the pain is so immense I can't take it - in fact right now I have a choice between a root canal I can't afford or an extraction I can't afford. I'm saving up for the extraction...I suppose I'll just be smiling less. Any colds or coughs or fevers are taken care of by immense amounts of chicken soup and orange juice and willpower. I'm afraid of the flu this year because if there's any chance at all it's H1N1...I don't know what I can do about it.
But my story is not unique in that.
My friend, the girl I was talking about, has suffered with intense stomach and gut pains for a very long time now. At least two years, maybe more. In January, they became so intense her sister got scared and made her go to the emergency room, where they diagnosed her with either gallstones or some sort of gallbladder disease. They said she needed to go see a specialist and get a proper exam, but with no job and no money, and living in poverty, that didn't happen. The only thing she did was go on a very, very restrictive diet. She eats baby food now, and has to be very careful with what she eats, and even then she still has the pains. And she's scared...because of the fact that untreated gallstones can disrupt the flow of the bile ducts, and if it goes untreated long enough, it can be fatal. A warning sign is persistent pain.
How persistent? Hours? Days? She's been in pain for 24 hours straight before, in varying degrees of intensity. How long is long enough? A year? Two? Five? Which moment is the moment that her bile ducts may rupture and flood her body with poison?
These are the thoughts in the back of her head every day.
Every day.
And then she started finding blood in her waste. But once again, with absolutely no money to spend on a trip to the doctors, she did nothing. It wasn't much. Until this weekend. This time, there was enough that she actually got scared and told her mother. They called the care clinic in the area that arranges payment on a sliding scale, but were told that the earliest appointment available was in December. December! They tried another clinic today, a walk-in, but were told that the only thing to do would be a blood test. A $250 blood test. This family is below the poverty line, there is no way they can afford that. So she's waiting til December.
And still, in that, her story is not unique.
And that's what gets me absolutely enraged - THESE THINGS SHOULD BE UNIQUE! RARE! UNHEARD OF!
People should not have to choose between keeping their home and paying their medical bills!
They should not have to choose between rent and health insurance!
They should not have to deny themselves preventative care!
They should not have to choose a procedure they don't want because it's the only one they can afford!
They should not lie awake at night scared that they're dying and more scared because they have no way of finding out!
And we are not shiftless or lazy people. I work a full time job, 40 hours a week. She has an associate's degree. I can't find a higher-paying job. She can't find a job at all. Both of us have tried to apply for state health services, both have been rejected. I have no dependents, I'm not married, and I'm under 50 - in my state I can't even get food stamps. I make too much - and yet I don't even make 20k a year. That's what makes me the most angry - the things people think, the things the rightwing noise machine says: If you don't have insurance, you obviously don't want it, or you're too lazy to get it. Oh no - it's not like a series of misfortunes can fall upon someone. Time and time and time again, taking every bit of their savings. It's not like..oh..say the housing market falls apart, or people lose their 401k, or you actually complete school but can't find a job, or your parents die within a month of each other. No. If you work hard enough, you'll be okay. If you're not okay, obviously you haven't worked hard enough. Screw you - I. Got. Mine.
If I could afford it, I would give her that $250 in a heartbeat, just so for once, for one moment in these last few years, she can find out one thing for sure, and maybe gain a little peace of mind about something. But I can't afford it...yet. I'm going to try to save the money by doing commissions. (I was going to school to get my BFA - a concentration in illustration (comics) and animation, specifically. She went to school for a liberal arts associate degree, in the archeology field. We were pretty stupid to try to go for our dream careers instead of something safe and stable, huh?) ::chuckles softly::
But I could use some help, or some advice. If anyone knows of an agency in or around the Seattle, WA area that could help, or someplace she could try...a free clinic or something, any information I could give her, it would be really appreciated. And also, if my story has moved you in any way, or made you angry or sympathetic, take those emotions and put them to good use - call your Congressman, call the White House, make sure your feelings are heard, keep the pressure on to get a proper public option that will help people like my friend, and like all the other friends of ours, and strangers, and fellow members of this country that are going to sleep tonight anxious, and worried, and scared, because there's something wrong and they can't do a thing about it.
UPDATE I'm going to call her (again, I tried once and she wasn't in yet) and see if I can convince her to go to the ER today about it (I don't live where she does right now, I really wish I did, I've had taken her there long ago) but THANK YOU to everyone that has given kind words and advice and warned me about the situation.
Some people have mentioned donating to help her get her tests - which seriously blows me away, I don't know what to say...it's so amazingly kind and generous - just...thank you! If you wish to, I have a set up a paypal at delirium_42@hotmail.com. I think that's all the information you need?
If I can convince her to go to the ER, then that will probably come in handy.... big sigh
again...thank you. I'm nearly in tears from everyone's kindness.