thursday quietly brought a surprise double-helping of big news to the natural-born patriots of birfistan — the surprise being only that the news fell on the same day. the news itself was long foregone.
first, the third circuit court of appeals dismissed for lack of standing the case brought by "9-11 truther" and puma phil berg, the original birther litigant. it appears that hurt feelings count for nothing in the sterile utopia of the kenyan usurper:
berg maintains that he has suffered damage to his reputation as a result of bringing this suit – he claims that he has been accused of being a racist by unnamed others. this “injury” is not attributed to the defendants. berg’s assertion that he has been harmed because he has spent money on this lawsuit fails for the same reason ...
second, the indiana court of appeals dismissed a case brought against the governor of indiana (see "wherein a birther goeth to court"). the court concluded:
that persons born within the borders of the united states are “natural born citizens” for article II, section 1 purposes, regardless of the citizenship of their parents.
... we note that nothing in our opinion today should be understood to hold that being born within the fifty united states is the only way one can receive natural born citizen status.
now, it might seem to the untrained non-birther eye that the court just blew the knees off the major secondary argument against obama — that even if born in america, his father's lack of citizenship disqualifies him from office — but you'd be totally wrong.
why? it's simple, really: because shaddup, that's why! besides, this just throws the doors to the supreme court wide open — victory is at hand!
still, the emerald exit signs out of birfistan must be getting more seductive by the day. it's not too hard to imagine how different life could have been ... (hit it, maestro):
birther:
i wouldn't while away the hours
connectin' shady powers
and wondrin' who's to gain
and my head i'd stop a-scratchin'
itchy plots it keeps a-hatchin'
if i only had a brain ♫
i'd scoff at every riddle
from every individ'le
intol'rant or insane ♫
obama:
with the time you'd stop a-wastin'
a real life you could be tastin'
if you only had a brain ♫
birther:
oh, i wouldn't wonder why
no judge will hear my roar
i'd stop thinkin' things
no one's thunk before
and then i'd go
and do some chores ♫
i would not be just a-huffin'
my head all full of stuffin'
my heart all full of pain
i'd sober up and tell orly
a new hobby she needs sorely
if i only had a brain ♫