I have been pondering this momentous decision for well over seven years since Daily Kos made its debut on the internet(s) in mid-2002.
This blog has been a friend and sanctuary for many of us through good and bad times even though its owner and management suck. As my teenager nephew told me the other day, "Daily Kos is teh suck."
I could cite a long list of grievances and complaints as to why it compels me to do this but I'm sure most of you couldn't care less as to why I'm doing what I'm about to do. However, I'm still going to share with you my innermost feelings and thoughts.
So, to paraphrase this French philosopher, I'm a thinking person, I exist, and I intend to boycott this blog until all my demands are met immediately and unconditionally.
More about my decision below the fold.
In practical terms, I'm going to refrain from making monthly contributions to this blog. I mean, what the hell am I getting in return for all the money I've sent to this blog's owner? You guessed it: not a damn thing!
Why am I so angry at Daily Kos? Have I, indeed, reached a point of no return and am so disillusioned that I will no longer contribute to its success? If I leave, will this blog continue to thrive and prosper? After all, without my brilliant diaries and comments, could it have possibly reached the level of prominence that it has in recent years? Even though I am a modest person and devoid of vanity, I'll still have to answer a strong "No" to the last question.
So, what then are some of the demands that both Markos and Daily Kos must meet before I can return to these pages? Something that all of you may not know is that my middle initials are 'U' and 'S.' I was named after this guy and my full name is Jekyll "Unconditional Surrender" Hyde.
Without further ado...
A LIST OF MY DEMANDS FROM MARKOS AND DAILY KOS... or Else
- Change Your Name: What in the hell is wrong with you? I mean, what kind of a name is "Markos?" In this great country, the good ole U.S. of A? Anglicize it to something like "Marco." It honors the discoverer of our great country, Marco Polo. A name change will widen your exposure and make you more acceptable to the mainstream of our society.
- Always Wear Ties to a Television Studio: I mean, when you go on television to pwn one of my friends, you didn't even bother wearing one? Shame on you. I have several Zegna, T.M. Lewin, and Charles Tyrwhitt ties from Italy and Britain, which I will send tomorrow via FedEx. Oh... and they are all pink, yellow, green, and orange in color. Start wearing them. And, no more brown shirts either. Doing so will also improve the quality of your stale front page posts.
- Stop Being a "Booger": You, my friend, are in the midst of a serious identity crisis. You don't even know who you are anymore. Whatever happened to that rebellious blogger? You need to re-evaluate your purpose in life. The sooner, the better.
- Stop Corrupting the Morals of our Youth: Whatever happened to discipline and tough love? The youth of this country are being misled by your subversive writings and teachings. Someone, bring back the Beaver, Wally, June, and Ward Cleaver. Eddie Haskell? Not so much!
- Ban All Pootie Diaries: I mean people waste my time every damn day talking about their cats, dogs, parakeets, and hamsters. I absolutely hate, hate these diaries. What I'm asking is for these pooties and woozles to write diaries about their masters. Now, those I can enjoy!
- Drop Plans for DK4: You don't need to go all fancy, schmancy on us. As it is, there are more diaries on topics that nobody reads. If you empower people, who knows what they'll start blogging about? It is essential to maintain standards. As it is, there are too many "Wannabe Front Pagers" and most of them are already unemployed. More blogging will increase the national unemployment rate. We don't want that.
- Increase My Quota of Daily HR's: I've been here for 7+ years and still I get only 5 HR's a day? Is that fair for all I've done for you? I should get 5 HR's for each year I've tolerated you! And, who appointed a
Community Moderator Lord Protector for this blog? You need to re-think this policy. I don't need protection. I need more daily HR's and stalking rights. Besides, the last guy who was Lord Protector, he didn't last too long. So, I say in all seriousness
You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately ... Depart, I say; and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!
:: ::
- Stop Corrupting the English Language: Who allows use of words like meh, feh, and teh on this sorry blog? Question: if I'm not a teenager, can I still use teh instead of the traditional "the?" No one has ever answered that question on this blog. I demand an answer. Before you know it, others will start using words like "Shiznit!"
- Promote Traditional Family Values: All you ever write about is that obscure ballot referendum in the State of Maine. I mean, c'mon! What's wrong with good old-fashioned, wholesome heterosexuality?
- Last But Not the Least: And, finally, you must suspend that other lame blog of yours called 'Mothertalkers.' All it does is spread dissension and undermine my manhood. Make. it. Stop. Please!
:: ::
Most of the cartoons courtesy of this blog
I have asked my friends at Instapundit, The Drudge Report, RedState, Townhall.com, MichelleMalkin.com, and other "patriotic Americans" to join my cause and boycott Daily Kos effective immediately. Until then, Goodbye, Cruel World. Hasta la Vista. Sayonara. Ciao. Khoda Hafez. Bis Speda. Au Revoir. Andio Sas. Arrivederci. Zai Jian. Mar Sin Leibh. Do Svidanja. Hwyl Fawr!
In other words, for you "non-literate" types... later, alligator. Have a nice blogging life!