Lately I have seen a lot of posters that I like and respect describe DailyKos (DKos) as "toxic". One of them was nice enough to point out to me that they thought the Front Pagers (FPs) never have anything positive to say about President Obama or what he’s doing. I’m sure I’ve seen positive stuff about Obama on the front page since the President’s inauguration. However, when I think of DKos I think of the diaries more than the front page. More often than not I only skim the FP articles unless it’s something I find interest. Even less often do I venture into the comments section.
When it comes to diaries on DKos, I find there’s a pretty even split between the people who like the focus primarily on the positive, and those who focus primarily on the negative. Consider what we have been mostly discussing the last couple of months--Health Care Reform (HCR). This is a tough and emotional topic. People have their own set of believes on how to deal with Congress and get HCR passed. We don’t agree. But this debate has been going on pretty hardcore since at least August. That’s 4 months of basically debating the same stuff, and frequently it gets emotional. When emotions are engaged, sometimes it gets ugly.
When it gets ugly, what exactly do you do to level out the tone in that particular diary and on the site itself? Do you post snarky comments to people you disagree with, or do you present them with a well-reasoned argument for why they are wrong? Do you (figuratively because it’s the Internet) scream and gnash your teeth, or do you try to keep a level tone? When you disagree with someone do you try to figure out where the split is, or go straight to calling the person some variation of "troll" or "Obamabot"?
I ask these things for one simple reason: we cannot control what others are saying on this site. Even through HRs, it takes a lot to get to the point where the person is auto-banned. Personally, I try to be as civil as possible. I will freely admit that I have my moments where I lose my head, but I move on fairly quickly and usually remain friends with whomever I was debating. I’m no saint on this site, and I don’t purport to be, but I make a conscious effort to not post things that I think people will find offensive. If I fell someone has misunderstood me, I stick around and try to explain, and once it gets to the point where explanation isn’t helping the matter, I walk away. Sometimes it’s easier said than done to do that, but in the long run I feel much better when I resist the urge. I’ve had many a "debate" on this site that has stayed largely civil, and those debates are the ones where I learn something. If you’re trying to teach someone something, it’s better to do so without being a complete jerk. You know the saying "you catch more flies with honey than with Vinegar".
Even though this is "just the Internet" it is possible for people to get their feelings hurt. I’ve had mine hurt plenty of times. And in the times when it was really bad, I take a break. I don’t GBCW and talk about how I feel I’ve been wronged. I just log out for a few days and spent my time watching HGTv (I tell ya, when I get a house and some money, my house is going to be AWESOME!), or I read a book, or I get some exercise. Sometimes, you just have to take a break from this place, especially if you are putting so much energy and heart and soul into it and you feel it’s too negative and draining. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break. There’s no need to say "I’m leaving forever!" because you feel that your particular opinion has no place here. That is absolutely not true. I have rarely seen people on this site with opinions that NO ONE on the site agrees with. On just about any given argument you’ll have a bunch of people who agree with you, and a bunch of people who disagree with you.
Good diaries are not simply those diaries with complex policy discussions, I’ve seen some diaries that stimulate great discussions and feelings of community where not one word was written. Hell, I’ve seen a diary that literally had NOTHING in it hit the rec list with people having a good time in the comments. I’ve done the photo diaries before, and I’ve been called names and had people say mean things in the comments, but there were MORE people thanking me for the pictures and for making them feel better. Picture diaries have a place on this site just as much as policy diaries do. Too much negativity is draining and sometimes you just need some "fluff". If you personally hate or dislike photo diaries, well you know who tends to post them, and you can usually tell right away if a diary is a photo diary, it’s very easy to just walk away. No one is forcing you to recommend or even look at the entire diary. There is no need to crap all over someone else’s good time because you’re in a crappy mood. The same holds true for people who don’t like critical diaries. You don’t have to read them, you know who posts the more critical diaries, and even if you don’t you can usually tell before you even go over the jump when a diary is going to be critical. If you don’t like those types of diaries, no one is forcing you to read them, and you can save yourself some stress (and possibly hurt feelings) if you just leave instead of posting that snarky comment.
With regard to toxicity, if you think the site is too negative, post a positive diary. We all (well unless you a FP) get one diary a day to do with what we please. So if you feel it’s too toxic, use your diary to add some sunshine instead of fighting with people over how toxic the site is in someone else’s. Or hang out in the community/series diaries, usually you find sane people there and if it’s one like the Daily Show/Colbert Report diary you also find a lot of laughs. That way you’ll know at least once a week you’ll have a good discussion without a flame war (usually).
This DKos community is largely moderated by the users, so how about we all make a conscious effort to treat others how we want to be treated? Also, don’t expect something of a poster on this site that you wouldn’t expect of yourself. Most of us here want the same things, even if we disagree on how to get there, we need to remember that when we get ready to engage in that flame war. Remember that most of the people here who post regularly were here last year when we helped drive President Obama’s campaign to victory, we all celebrated that victory that night as friends for the most part. So think about that poster who you disagree with as your friend and not your enemy whose opinion must be destroyed at all costs. And PLEASE, if you feel like the site is getting to you or bringing you down, don’t quit the site just take a hiatus, you’ll feel much better when you come back and you’ll be ready to jump back into the thick of things.
If you read all of this thank you :o)
[EDIT] Also, some of this may just be the "Winter Blahs", if that applies to you, check out this great diary by the Droogster on how to beat them.
Update [2009-12-19 13:14:41 by Muzikal203]: From a comment by Meteor Blades below:
Let me add something I had said many times before, but think bears repeating, particularly in this diary. If you (the plural you) want to improve the discourse that some people say is "ruining the site," I recommend following this approach, IN THIS ORDER:
1. Model the behavior you want others to practice. Good discourse starts at home. If you're prone to "fuck you, asshole, you're an idiot and an [Obama-hater/Obamapologist] who ought to be banned," then you don't have a lot of room to be bellyaching about the "terrible tone around DKos these days." Pretend that you're at somebody's doorstep trying to persuade them to vote for a candidate they're unsure of.
2. Challenge the behavior of your friends and political allies. If your friends and others you usually agree with are engaging in incivility and name-calling and HR abuse, don't give them a pass even when they're engaging people that you strongly disagree with. If they're praising and uprating the outrageous comments of their friends and HRing the lesser faults of those they disagree with, don't let them off the hook for it. It's easy to challenge people you disagree with for this kind of behavior. But your greatest impact will be with those who already respect and agree with you on most issues.
3. Challenge the behavior of those you disagree with. Gently. With persuasion in mind. Sure, it's fun to count coup and collect a bunch of 4s for knocking somebody around in the comment threads. But it doesn't elevate the tone. It makes people defensive, just as you are likely to become defensive when somebody says, "get a clue, moran." Remember, honey is usually more effective than vinegar.
4. Use you HR privileges sparingly. On those occasions when you feel a comment or diary tip jar requires a zero, explain yourself, or recommend someone else who has HRed and explained him/herself. And afterward, be merciful. Don't hold a grudge. Don't assume, unless it is proved otherwise, that everybody who makes a trollish comment behaves that way all the time. We all have bad days. Most of us will occasionally post when we've had too much to drink or are in a bad mood from something that has nothing to do with the conversation here. Cut other Kossacks a bit of slack until they show themselves - persistently - to be unworthy of it.
If everyone followed these guidelines, the tone of this place would be elevated in about three minutes.