Portsmouth, Ohio, celebrates "A Dickens of a Christmas" because, and this is true, Charles Dickens once haunted the city. Dickens was born in Portsmouth, England, and when his writing career afforded him some luxury, he went on a fantasy adventure of visiting every town named Portsmouth in North America.
Today, Christmas Eve, the Portsmouth Daily Times published a wonderful supplement containing nothing but letters to Santa written by Portsmouth schoolchildren in their classrooms. This is also true, and the letters below are printed verbatim as they appear in today's paper.
Now I happen to live directly en route to Portsmouth from the North Pole. This, again, is true. The magical part of this diary is that I heard a thump on my porch roof just a bit ago, and upon investigation discovered a red sack containing letters hand-written with a quill pen that appear to be Santa's replies to some of the letters in today's paper.
To ensure that the children in Mrs. Rapp's and Mrs. Raines' fourth-grade classes of Portsmouth West Elementary get the intended replies from Santa, I'm posting four of the replies below the actual letters below.
(All misspellings are as they appear in the paper. I have removed last names.)
Letter 1:
Dear Santa,
I would like to get a X-Box 360 with one game. I want the game to be Grand Theft Auto 4. I want a Lap Top with Intranet. I would like to have some money also.
Love,
Cody
And Santa's reply:
Dear Cody,
I don't really know you, but I can tell you have everything it takes to become President of the United States when you grow up.
Love,
Santa
p.s. Especially for the cash, report my occupation on your 4th quarter contributions form as "package delivery." "Saint" would get you audited for sure.
Letter 2:
Dear Santa,
I hope you liked the cookies that I left out for you last year. Oh, by the way, I liked the gun you got me last year. This year, I want a 30.6 gun and one more thing I would like to have is a hunting dog. I will leave you some cookies and milk.
Your friend,
Page
Dear Page,
I don't really know you, but I can tell you have everything it takes to become Vice President of the United States when you grow up. Be sure to run as a Republican.
Your friend,
Santa
Letter 3:
Dear Santa,
My name is Garrett. I would like to have a remote control flight simulater from Hobby Town, a brown puppy, a play set for a grey schnauzer, an Italian Sheep dog, an underwater camera, a big electric piano, a remote control car with a camera in it, a hotwheels go-cart, kid sized, and an X box 360. I hope you make a good trip out of the northpole and a safe trip back.
Your friend,
Garrett
Dear Garrett,
We don't always get everything we want in life, unless we work in management on Wall Street. I suggest you watch more cartoons, and less FOX News.
Your friend,
Santa
Letter 4:
Dear Santa,
My name is Kadie. I would like a new pear of boots. I hope I am not asking for too much this year.
love,
Kadie
Dear Kadie,
Attached find a new pair of boots, plus all the stuff that your classmate Garrett asked for. Please have a talk with him, but don't share your presents or he'll wind up with all of them.
Love,
Santa
Like I said, all of the above kids' letters are real. Have a magical night.