There should be a rule in politics that runs something like this: if at any time, political debate starts to sound like Scene 8 from Monty Python's Life of Brian (a.k.a. "The Grumpy People's Front of Judea") then it's time to lift your hands off the keyboard, stand up, and slowly, but carefully, back away from the desk and towards the nearest bottle of mildly alcoholic beverage.
If that moment should happen 24 hours before the end of one decade and the start of another--even better.
And with that in mind...I hereby declare "it's quittin' time!" for me and anyone who wants to join me on the question of who is/isn't a progressive, a corporatist, a conservadem, or any combination thereof, based on the conclusion that DailyKos now sounds like Scene 8 (full script here):
BRIAN: Are you the Judean People's Front?
REG: F*** off!
BRIAN: What?
REG: Judean People's Front. We're the People's Front of Judea! Judean People's Front. Cawk.
FRANCIS: Wankers.
Full video and script after the jump...
Of course, even the crankiest revolutionary leaders somehow manage to attract earnest applicants--everybody wants to belong, particularly those who feel they do not belong:
BRIAN: Can I... join your group?
REG: No. Piss off.
Ah, yes...the leaders of the revolution are grumpiest of all. IF they were not, why would be drawn to them? We would not.
What good is it to be a member of a revolutionary front if there was no hazing--no price of entry:
BRIAN: I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job. I hate the Romans as much as anybody.
PEOPLE'S FRONT OF JUDEA: Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh. Shh. Shhhh.
REG: Stumm.
JUDITH: Are you sure?
BRIAN: Oh, dead sure. I hate the Romans already.
REG: Listen. If you wanted to join the P.F.J., you'd have to really hate the Romans.
BRIAN: I do!
REG: Oh, yeah? How much?
BRIAN: A lot!
REG: Right. You're in.
Nothing creates a strong social bond faster and, uh...strongly social than a common distaste for the occupying, leather-shorts wearing empire. Except, maybe, love for the Colts (which I do not understand).
And once that bond is forged, the timeless secrets of the group are shared between members:
REG: Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the fucking Judean People's Front.
P.F.J.: Yeah...
JUDITH: Splitters.
P.F.J.: Splitters...
FRANCIS: And the Judean Popular People's Front.
P.F.J.: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
LORETTA: And the People's Front of Judea.
P.F.J.: Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
REG: What?
LORETTA: The People's Front of Judea. Splitters.
REG: We're the People's Front of Judea!
LORETTA: Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.
REG: People's Front! C-huh.
FRANCIS: Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg?
REG: He's over there.
P.F.J.: Splitter!
Anyway--you get the point, which in this case is to draw as many people as possible away from their current point and into a glass of plonk.
Even if most of us disagree on the name of each other's groups and who should be in them, we all know that group is there and, we know that we are in it--or in another group remarkably similar, and equally as grumpy. And we know that the only group not in the same situation as us is probably the group with only one member, which is not really a group, let alone a "front."
Because, let's face it--on blogs, as in life, there is always a bigger fish:
Happy New Year, kossacks--friends, family, grumps one and all. To all of you who do and do not hate the Romans enough, pause with me to send this community into the next decade by reconnecting with the humor and humanity that keeps us all sitting on this same, dusty step.