A special welcome to anyone who is new to The Grieving Room. We meet every Monday evening. Whether your loss is recent or many years ago, whether you have lost a person or a pet, or even if the person you are "mourning" is still alive ("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time) you can come to this diary and process your grieving in whatever way works for you. Share whatever you need to share. We can't solve each other's problems, but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Valentine's Day pervades the very atmosphere and certainly the entirety of the retailsphere in early to mid February. It seems like one cannot escape the hearts, ginned-up romance, and exhortations to buy flowers and gifts for one's Valentine.
But what about those for whom Valentine's Day is a day of grief? What about those who mourn for one or more of so many different causes:
The loss of a beloved
Divorce or another type of relationship severance
Not having a beloved on whom to shower your romantic impulses
Feeling guilty for not having the funds to do what you wish you could for your beloved
Losing someone dear on or around Valentine's Day, including pet loss
That Valentine's Day was a special anniversary with a former or deceased beloved
There may be more reasons; please share them in the comments.
For those who fall into the above categories, Valentine's Day may be a day that is hard to take, hard to bear. For me, for quite a few years, it certainly was. My late husband and I had chosen Valentine's Day as our wedding day, and it was a day that had been very special to us. I treasured the cards I had been given by him over the years.
For my partner Charles, the same day had been an anniversary for him and his most recent ex-wife. Given that each of us had chosen to marry our most recent respective former spouses (mine lost to suicide, his to divorce) on Valentine's Day, we were adamant that we would not get married to each other on Valentine's Day. I think I was perhaps the most emphatic about that.
What do you do on Valentine's Day when the country celebrates coupledom and you are not part of a couple? I know people who deliberately go out to dine alone as a rebuke to the overarching emphasis on coupledom, and others who get together in groups for the same reason and so that they have someone(s) around them who empathize. For new couples, Valentine's Day is often a day to be lost in one another's arms, just as every other day is, only moreso. For those who have had a longer time together as a couple, those lost in one another's rapt gaze may be quietly amusing and a gentle reminder of days gone by for them. For those who are alone, it may be a heartbreaking reminder of what was and is no longer, or of what never has been.
Some may find themselves feeling anger, believing that their anger is a backlash against all the force of romance that is thrust upon the public by those who would sell things, usually things that one does not need. That is an emotion I would have known as familiar in my younger days, especially the days and months alone.
For all who are alone at Valentine's Day, a Valentine for you: we share a loss, a sense of broken heartedness, a knowing of what it is like to be alone on this of all days. If your Valentine's Day this year is a day of remembrance and heartbreak, or heartbreak of any kind, then this Valentine is for you.
I wish you peace. I wish you joy. I wish you comfort.