I had this video and comment in last night's Overnight Open Thread, but not sure how many folks got a chance to see it, so wanted to get it wider coverage; it contains important information for everyone:
There were no such things as "advanced directives" and "living wills" 40 years ago, when my father came home from work complaining of "stomach flu", went to lay down...and suffered a massive heart attack that killed him -- until he was "revived" by the ambulance workers. He lay in a coma for three months, and during that time I barely had either parent, as almost every moment my mother wasn't working she would be at the hospital by his bedside. He finally did die (for the second time), and we were able to begin the process of healing.
Fast forward to this week. My father-in-law, whose health has been declining, is apparently now in his last weeks after suffering a stroke that has left him blind; he is also unable to eat or drink. Because my mother-in-law had medical power-of-attorney for him, she was able to make the decision, supported by her children, to not send him back to the hospital where he would be on machines and tubes, but rather to go with hospice care and to make him as comfortable as possible for whatever time he has left. It's not an easy decision -- we all thought with her various health issues, she'd be the one to go first -- but we know it's the right one for our family.
At the same time, if someone decides they want to remain on the machines until the Cubs win the World Series (which just might guarantee immortality), it should be their decision -- they should not be overruled by Congress or some church or some faceless bureaucrat in an insurance company office.
But the main point of this diary is not to talk about whether or not you want the plug pulled (or indeed, never plugged in to begin with) when your time comes. The point is that you need to get those wishes known to your doctors and your loved ones, and preferably get it down in writing.
Last Friday, my mother-in-law, my husband and I met with my in-laws' lawyers to do the paperwork we should have done months ago, when my father-in-law was first diagnosed with what was then mild dementia. She already held powers of attorney, both medical and financial, for my father-in-law; we finalized the procedures to give myself and my spouse (her eldest son) powers of attorney for her affairs should she become incapacitated. We also have a copy of her advance directive so know what her wishes are should she end up in the same boat as her husband. This is something that my husband and I need to sit down and do for ourselves, now that we're in our 50s...but it's something that can and should be done at anytime. Remember that Terri Schiavo was only 26 when she became ill; with the 5th anniversary of her death approaching, it's key that we remind ourselves of the lessons.
And don't just do your "living will" and stick in a back corner somewhere -- make sure someone in your family or circle of friends knows your wishes...in fact, the more the better in case something happens to both you and your "key person" at the same time. If you're married or partnered, make sure your significant other knows and has a copy of your wishes; also discuss this with your adult children (if any) so that all of you are on the same page. In fact, according to Keith, the "health care proxy" doesn't need to be a family member, so those of you estranged from your families can designate anyone you wish, and if your family barges in he/she can show that piece of paper and gently (or not so gently) tell them to get lost.
The clueless (to put it nicely) on the Right keep blathering about "death panels" -- as Keith said, these are truly "LIFE Panels", allowing people and their loved ones to affirm quality of life, not just quantity of years.
UPDATE: I just received a call from my mother-in-law; my father-in-law passed away within the last hour. In a way, I'm glad it was quick; he's no longer suffering and is in a better place. Now begins the process of healing -- but knowing that we did right by him is what really matters. Please, hug your loved ones a little tighter for me tonight.