I just want to preface this diary by saying I'm a 21 year old college junior. I grew up without a mother or father in inner city Los Angeles. My little brother and me were raised by my single grandmother who works day in and day out to ensure that me and my brother's dreams are made possible. This includes taking money out of her life insurance policy that she has been paying into for years before I came along to pay for me and my brother to go to college.
I'm on spring break and have been sitting here in my dorm room alone for the past 4 days, while all of my other roommates went home. I'm 3,000 miles away from home and I'm here mostly because it's quite expensive to just fly home for 1 week. During this time it really hit me hard how blessed I am for everything my grandmother has done in my life to make me and my brother's lives possible.
My mother abandoned me and my little brother who is 1 year younger then me as babies and my father went to prison when he was 17 years old, where he spent 20 years of his life. My grandmother who raised 5 kids of her own in the most dangerous part of Los Angeles took me and my little brother in and raised us as her own in that very same home. For the longest we called her "momma" because we both assumed that she was our mother. Until our great grandmother told her that she would have to eventually tell us that she was not our mom but our grandmother. This news came to me when I was around 6 or 7 years old.
Life was not exactly rosy growing up, my grandmother driving 10 hours 4 or 5 times a year to take us to a state prison to visit our father. Watching family members go to prison, watching friends and neighbors be killed in gang violence and watching classmates and best friends growing up to join gangs. Still even while all this happened around us and she did not have the money to simply up and move away she still did everything possible to show us a better life then reality presented to us at times. Taking us to the movies, signing us up for little league basketball and football, taking us to amusement parks. Just anything to show us that she loves us and despite what we constantly saw around us she was going to stop at nothing to show us a better way however she knew how.
When I was younger my brother and me always thought how unfair it was that all the other kids got to ride their bikes where ever they wanted while we could not go no farther then 2 or 3 houses down. We thought our grandmother was being unjust when she would not let us stay out late when the street lights came on in the neighborhood while the other kids could. Looking back on those days and realizing where I am in my life now and how some of those kids unfortunately ended up I just can't help but laugh at how naive I was as a child and cry at how much my grandmother loved us and did everything to shield us away from the sad reality around us.
Now whenever I am walking down the hallway at school or raise my hand in class or get a paper back and see a good grade I just think of my grandmother. I think of her and how she made all this around me possible. How she gave me the drive that I have today, how she instilled values in me, how she taught me to stand up for myself, how she taught me right and wrong and how to make it in the world.
I know this sounds like a eulogy but it isn't. My grandmother is very much alive and well and also relatively young for a grandmother. Nonetheless I still can't help but be so grateful for her and her love and support for me and my brother growing up and still today.
This diary was not meant to be political and I don't tend to publish diaries often. This is just meant to be a reflection on life for me so far. I know many of you have people just like my grandmother in your life that you thank the world for everyday whether it be your mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, teacher, uncle etc...
Just take a little time out of your day to stop and reflect on your life and that special person in it who made it all possible for you. If they're still alive today give them a call and tell them how much you love them.
Peace.