Lots of folks here know that I am an almost 60 (in the present lying incarnation) white, hetero female. I've never been married -- never wanted to be. In these 60 years, I've known only two good marriages, which are actually terrific marriages. Neither include my parents who did love each other but . . . . One of the marriages is 40+ years, two incredible children and lots of angst because of health issues. The other is only a year old on the books but 17 years in reality. It is the latter about which I am writing.
Steve and Rich (not their real names) are what I consider an atypical couple. Not because they are Steve and Rich; rather, because they have loved each other for almost 20 years and survived the classic tempests of a monogamous relationship e.g. close living irritations, differences of personalities, property and money issues, separation because of different jobs. Despite all of that, they are two people whom I love watching loving each other.
Two weeks ago, Rich's father died unexpectedly in another country. A full week of wrangling with international bullshite finally brought his father home for burial. Rich is one of 7 children -- his family is Catholic. I went to the wake and service and watched, with not a little bit of horror and disgust, as priests recognized the children and spouses -- except Rich and Steve. The person who gave the eulogy named each of the children -- except Rich. I don't believe it was a simple mistake.
Yesterday I learned that Steve has been in the hospital for a week -- with a horrible infection. Some of us know that he has been HIV positive for years, but looks healthier than I do. Because he is in a hospital in a state which does not recognize their marriage, Rich's legal rights regarding his partner are limited to a Health Care Directive rather than the rights of a spouse. That will change in a couple of days when Steve returns to the State in which they were legally married.
I know I can get slammed for my feelings on this matter, but I am not thinking of this bullshite as a gay rights issue. I'm thinking of my married friends -- still not equal in this incredibly ignorant country. I'm thinking of two of the most beautiful men I have ever known, far superior than I am -- incredibly far superior to those who wrap themselves in the mantle of Catholicism or Christianity or any other religion -- a mantle that drips with blind hatred.
Steve and Rich are members of a tiny community made up of folks with varying degrees of bigotry -- and yet, those two guys are so beloved that all of us will be profoundly devastated if medical science can't rid Steve of this infectious demon.
I have been reading quite a few fine diaries by more intelligent people than I am regarding DADT, DOMA and ENDA. I have zero credentials within the LGBT community, but I have lots of cred when it comes to those whom I love and respect as incredible human beings. I look at Steve and Rich and think, "who could not love you?" "Who could possibly wish you harm?" "Who would not want the marriage you have created and nurtured?"
To my darlings, Steve and Rich: I love you both. I want to know on my dying day that you are still arguing about where to plant the dahlias. I want you to be the ones to show the morans what marriage is supposed to be.
To my friends here in the LGBT community, I apologize for my affrontery in writing about a topic which is out of my ken. I just want to write about friends -- not gay friends.