President Obama told Matt Lauer that he is collecting information about the BP oil leak and containment efforts so he can know whose ass to kick. That makes a lot of sense to me. Many of us have had the bad luck to occasionally be around guys who just walk straight into the room and start kicking asses without proper research. For example, I'm pretty sure President Bush would know just whose ass to kick and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be an oil company's ass! At first Bush would just swagger up to the microphone say 'My people are going to get to the bottom of this'. Vice-President Cheney will lead the investigation. We'll get 'em.'
But, I digress. I was thinking that we should weigh in with some advice to President Obama on Ass to Be Kicked. It's tempting to look at many of the bit players in this drama and put their ass on the line (Yeah, I'm looking at you James Carville ). But people like that are an annoyance....they're the ones who show up to gawk at a crime scene/auto accident and make ignorant pronouncements. They're fucking obnoxious but they didn't exactly cause the calamity. Plus, this is a Presidential Ass-Kicking we're talking about here and I'd hate to see it wasted on the likes of Mary Matalin's husband.
Following are two candidates for a Presidential Ass-Kicking. They may not be the best candidates and I certainly encourage anyone who has an alternative-ass in mind to talk about it in the Comments. I fully confess that I may be blinded by my rage about this environmental and economic catastrophe and my choices may be biased as a result.
Tony Hayward--British Petroleum CEO
What can you say about Mr. Hayward as a prime candidate for Ass-Kicking? He's led BP since 2007 replacing a leader who was forced out because of trouble over BP's safety record in Alaska and Texas. But Hayward is apparently a man who honors tradition and he managed to preserve the 'safety-last' culture at BP and, dare I say it, perhaps even increase the level of recklessness that BP would endure in order to increase profits. And then he compounds this murderous and criminal neglect of safety with statements that offer all of us little glimpses into the true character of BP. He started out stating on 17 May 2010 that the environmental impact of the Gulf spill would likely be "very very modest" and calling the spill "relatively tiny" in comparison with the size of the ocean. Hayward topped himself later in May by complaining that he 'wants his life back.'
Dick Cheney
Former Vice-President Cheney is my sentimental favorite in this Ass-Kicking contest. Personally, I do not think he is getting the credit he deserves for this whole drama. Oh sure, BP took a lot of short-cuts on the Deep Horizon in an effort to save money but did this event really begin there? Or did it begin when governmental agencies issued permits to oil companies for deep water drilling absent realistic safety and accident-recovery plans? Can Cheney get some credit for transforming regulatory agencies into forces that advocated for oil companies within the government? Do you think it was easy to find people to go to work for the government to regulate oil companies and then party with those same oil companies? Even now, with oil flooding the gulf and spoiling the beaches (and therefore the economy) of hundreds of communities Dick Cheney doesn't back down. His daughter Liz goes out and warns that 'people are very worried' that as a result of the BP spill, Obama may prevent other unsafe operations. I know that's what I hear people worrying about.
So my dear Kossacks....there you have it. My two top choices for a Presidential Ass-Kicking. Weigh in if you have time and are so inclined. If not, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.