The political right-wing in America is a virtual zoo of human wreckage: Every emotional disturbance, psychopathology, and behavioral disorder found in the human species is venerated as a moral example in the Republican Party and its ideological satellite organizations (e.g., Heritage Foundation, John Birch Society). We already have some short-hand terms for certain of the more common types (e.g., theocons), but I thought it would be useful and fun to be more thorough. So here is the full spectrum of the Right, taxonomically classified according to personality. I use both real people and fictional characters as examples.
- Common authoritarians (penis minimus)
Nicknames: Bullies, thugs.
Enjoys: Tormenting the vulnerable, sucking up to the powerful, abusing authority to feel powerful.
Hates: People who stand up for themselves and others. People with a sense of humor.
Favored institutions:: Military, prisons, police, high school administration.
Least favored institutions: Universities, philanthropies.
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- Killots (necrophilius misanthropicus)
Nicknames: Murderbots, Killemalls, The Wrong Kind of Germans
Enjoys: Killing people, looking for excuses to kill people, planning to kill people, fantasizing about killing people, watching other people kill people, encouraging other people to kill people, trying to kill more people than they've killed before.
Hates: Life, living things, things created by living things (other than weapons), peace, diplomacy, reason, optimism, humanism, compassion.
Favored institutions: Military, mercenary outfits, criminal gangs, executions.
Least favored institutions: Medical, education, agriculture.
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- Chickenhawks (bellophilius butnotmeus)
Nicknames: Neocon, armchair warrior, Coward The Duck.
Enjoys: Dressing up in military gear, taunting enemies they will never see, making shit up.
Hates: Facts, journalism, laws, ethics, reason, morality.
Favored institutions: Think tanks funded by the arms industry, talk radio, investment banks.
Least favored institutions: Investigative journalism, the United Nations, democratic governments.
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- Bidnessmen (kleptomanius reptilicus)
Nicknames: The Honorable Republican Senator from _____.
Enjoys: Jerking off into wads of $100 bills, firing people on a whim, urinating on the homeless.
Hates: Regulation of business, the minimum wage, labor unions, child labor laws, government assistance to anyone other than business.
Favored institutions: Federal Reserve, Commerce Department, Chambers of Commerce.
Least favored institutions: The IRS, OSHA, EPA, public services.
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- Anti-government (parasiticus paranoius)
Nicknames: Teabaggers, Gimmegimmegimmes, Hatriots, the tinfoil brigade.
Enjoys: Misspelling words, making up history, claiming to be oppressed for having to pay taxes.
Hates: Democracy, society, civilization, cooperation, empathy.
Favored institutions: Militias, NRA
Least favored institutions: Ones that help human beings.
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- Bigots (odious toxicus)
Nicknames: Hate-in-a-can, Reverend ____ , the Republican Civil Rights Committee, etc.
Enjoys: Expounding on the inherent inferiority of other groups of people, pursuing laws to target them, belittling individuals among them who belie their ravings.
Hates: Everyone, but hates those less like themselves more; facts; ethics; morality.
Favored institutions: Talk radio, police, criminal prosecutors, prisons, churches.
Least favored institutions: Civil Rights organizations, humanitarian organizations, democracy, universities.
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- Fundies (deus onanisticus)
Nicknames: Godzis, Bible-thumpers, dumb people.
Enjoys: Denying empirical reality, dismissing scientific fact, fantasizing about the eternal torment of others, crushing independent thought in children, asserting (perpetually) that the End of Days is near, and attributing their own opinions and decisions to God.
Hates: Thinking, accountability, uncertainty, science, self-reflection.
Favored institutions: Church
Least favored institutions: Universities, public schools, scientific organizations.