I just got off the phone with my daughter-in-law. Well, actually it was a little over an hour ago, but I have stopped crying and I want to share my story with you.
Because, quite frankly, this is the only place I know that understands and cares.
Seriously.
My son is in the Army and is now serving in Afghanistan. He is 'career' Army, coming up on his fifteenth year of service to his country. He loves what he does and I am so proud of him. Whenever we talk, no matter how hard we try to leave politics out of the conversation, we inevitably get into a heated debate about why we should be 'over there'. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels and we end up just agreeing to disagree.
"I just want you safe" I would tell him.
"Then let me do my job" he would reply.
Last year, while my son was serving in Iraq, my daughter-in-law made the decision to stay on base instead of going to her parents' house. Several years ago, my son did a six month tour in Korea, and his wife packed up and went home. But the kids are older now, and she wanted them to be around other kids who are having the same experiences and dealing with the same issues.
Modern technology has my son calling home via a computer almost every day. (I even told him that I hear from him more often when he is overseas than I do when he is home.) While he was in Iraq, totally out of harm's way, he actually helped the kids with their homework and together he and his wife kept the checkbook balanced.
But now it is different. Now he had to tell his wife about a lost buddy and several others who were seriously wounded. Now the war has become a reality to him and his family.
Last week, four soldiers from their unit were killed. The entire base was in mourning. And now my son's friend. My daughter-in-law can't keep it together anymore.
"I can't stay here" she told me. "I'm calling to tell you I'm going to stay with my parents until my husband comes home." She feels guilty about her decision. She thinks she is not being brave enough. "But", she told me, "this is more now than just missing Daddy." Now her kids know that Daddy can die and being on the base is a constantly reminder of that fact.
I don't read the IGTNT diaries that much because they would hit too close to home, but hearing the despair in my daughter-in-law's voice made me realize that running away does not change the facts.
People are dying!
And the families of our men and women fighting these wars die a little every day, every time it is someone else's father or brother or son, mother or sister or daughter.
You would never know that out on the street. Oh sure, there are lots of 'Support the Troops' magnetic ribbons on the backs of cars, but for the most part, people aren't hearing about the deaths. They know we are there, and we should or shouldn't be depending on their ideology.
But the news focuses more on the 'civilian' deaths than it does on our own military. (My own personal reason for putting civilian in quotes. It's not like the Taliban and Al Qaeda are issued recognizable uniforms)
Which is why my daughter-in-law wants to leave the base, leave the horrors of war and forget, if only for a few hours a day, that Daddy could die.