Earlier today, BP officials dismissed reports that the latest attempt to "stop the damn leak" has been successful, citing the need to study the situation for a couple of days, and habitual incompetence.
"The fact that there isn't any oil escaping makes it even more difficult to measure the flow of leaking oil", explained a company spokesman.
Responding to CNN reports that "Video supplied by BP showed robotic arms gingerly lowering the new cap over the well", BP said that
"the problem with previous attempts was that the caps were lowered "clumsily". The new tactic of lowering the cap "gingerly" seems to be more effective. But as always with these things, we won't know for sure for a couple of days if we know for sure, or we could discover we don't know for sure, and don't know when we'll know for sure, if ever. We're not sure."
UPDATE: BP official still not sure if oil leak is stopped, or if the sea floor is about to erupt from a massive methane explosion that will kill all living things within hundreds of miles, including several gulf states, but expressed confidence that no walruses are at risk.