Okay, Republicans, let's repeal or modify the 14th amendment so being born in the U.S. of A. makes you a citizen if, and only if your parents are legal.
- Now how do we handle a baby born to one legal immigrant and one illegal immigrant?
a. should it matter which parent is the legal one? Maybe only babies born to legal fathers should be allowed to be citizens because, you know, those women are coming over here to just to have U.S. citizen babies and this would discourage them.
b. maybe the baby should only be declared a citizen if both parents are legal! (That would show them!)
c. Or best yet, maybe we should require proof of legal residence before the woman is allowed to have her baby in any American hospital. No proof -- get her over the border into Mexico (or Canada) fast!
- Should the (obviously improper) award of citizenship to those babies born to illegal immigrants be revoked?
I mean, we got like millions of those brown-skinned, foreign-speaking "citizens" here already who wouldn't be citizens if that pesky 14th Amendment hadn't been added to the Constitution. So maybe we should write a new Amendment to replace the 14th. So instead of:
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.
We would have Amendment 28:
All persons naturalized but only those persons born to legal residents of the United States....are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. Persons previously awarded citizenship who cannot prove their parents were residing in the United States legally will have that citizenship revoked.
- Since now a birth certificate will no longer be proof of citizenship, we'll need to issue a "Certificate of Citizenship" to every child born in the U.S.A. who is a citizen. In fact, we'll need to issue the citizenship certificate to all current citizens. Correction, to all current citizens who can prove they were born in the U.S.A. (with a paper birth certificate -- none of those internet fake Hawaiian birth certificates!) to parents who were legal residents at the time. Then we should require everyone, but especially those brown-skinned foreign-speaking ones, to carry those certificates with them at all times so they can prove they're a citizen to the authorities.
- We need to deport those non-citizen babies immediately. We know those babies aren't here legally so we don't need a hearing before deporting them -- just head 'em up and move 'em out. Their illegal alien mothers too. If they're bleeding, too bad -- they knew the risks of coming here to have their illegal babies and they should suffer the consequences.
- And all abandoned babies should be deported right away since they can't prove their parents were legal residents. Of course that might mean some good American-type babies (blond, blue-eyed) get tossed out of the country. But if that's the price we have to pay to keep illegal aliens out of our fair country, it's worth it.
I'm a long gone Daddy in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
I'm a cool rocking Daddy in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
[Bruce Springsteen]