As President Barack Obama addressed the nation on August 31, 2010, he gave the appearance of a frightened executive reading a text written for him by a terrorist faction holding his family at gunpoint in a locked cellar. It is obvious that the reality of American government has finally found its way into Obama’s psyche. Below is the speech he should have given:
"Two years ago I campaigned for the presidency of the United States on a ticket of change and reform of the American political process. Despite the fact that the American people provided the votes to enact these changes, the Republican Party along with the multi-national corporations, which own it, continue to possess the financial clout to hold our economy hostage. While not surprised, the number of Democrats whose influence can be bought by these same private interests gravely disappoints me. My naïve belief was that the American people’s outcry for change would have, in some way, tempered their greed however, I had to face the reality that dollars trump change every time. As promised in my campaign, I am ending the combat mission in Iraq on schedule. I have been advised to give a modicum of credence to the success of the surge without mentioning that it was preceded by a surge of capital in which Maktada al-Sadr was paid $350 million dollars in "damages". In return, he agreed to dismantle his militia, which numbered over one hundred thousand. All other prominent warlords were similarly bought-off. Dollars prevailed in this instance also. To avoid a drastic interruption in cash flow to Halliburton and General Dynamics among others, I have relocated their collective enterprises to Afghanistan. This will afford them the opportunity to seek a more lucrative location for their next venture. I will also commit fifty thousand advisory troops to remain in Iraq to protect American interests such as General Electric, AT & T, Exxon Mobil, Coca Cola, etc. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the American military for having made so many sacrifices under false pretenses. However, after the Republican corporate majority exported your jobs for more profit, the only remaining employment opportunities were, unfortunately, in the military. Your idealism regarding the protection of the American way of life as well as the American people themselves will never be taken for granted. History will hold you in high regard. Luckily, Blackwater is developing its own army to protect these same multinationals thus producing numerous continued employment opportunities.
In closing, I would like to reaffirm that the American people are clamoring for change. If that change requires sacrifice and effort, then let us leave things as they are. The devil you know is safer than the devil unknown. God Bless America."