Welcome to Issue 7 of Quote the Ravin: Somebody Call 9/11. We're in emergency need of a proctologist, all I see are assholes, and they are doing a lot of talking. I'm your host esby: I'm unemployed, uninspired, and uncaffeinated, but working on all of the above.
Hey, thanks for the recs on my Breitbart diary yesterday and keeping things engaging.
Man, oh man, September 11th is over, and I just can't wait until September 11, 2011, THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY. It's gonna be so pure, the messages so inspiring (Buy gold). Hopefully I can buy souvenirs down at Ground Zero, perhaps a replica of the twin towers that shoot out frickin' laser beams (Vote Republican) . Maybe get some freedom fries, some burning building postcards that say 10th Anniversary (Buy guns), get my picture taken in front of Ground Zero, I WAS THERE! Plus, I like the fact that no one profits or manipulates this horrible tragedy for their own personal gain (Watch Fox)! It is truly a sacred day where Americans can bond together in remembrance and the spirit of peace (Death to Islam).
Let's get to quotin'.
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—Cartoonist Mike Lester's email to cartoonist August J Pollak, who criticized Lester for an anti-Muslim cartoon on his own blog. That's right, somebody really, really important is Googling themselves again.
What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions].
—Newt Gingrich, with a tip of the hat to National Review's Dinesh D’Souza. Because you don't want anti-colonial behavior from British-owned colonies. The next thing you know, you got people throwing Tea Parties.
No sensible person joins a terrorist organization dedicated to mass murder simply because somebody torches a Koran.
—National Review's Andrew McCarthy on The Corner. Here on QTR, the jokes sometimes write themselves.
When did U.S. politics turn into Mad libs?
—The Corner's Daniel Foster about the Koran burning controvers...actually, trust me, the guy has no fucking idea what Mad libs are. Actually, Peter Weiner is a mad lib. We need more like him.
The mail just came, and with it came a franked (“official business”) newsletter from Sen. Jim Webb. It’s addressed to “Residential Customer, Virginia.” Thanks for keeping it personal, Senator!
—The Corner's John J. Miller. Guess what, genius, those personally signed political mailers you get? Not personally signed, either. Jesus, these guys at National Review have been helpful this week.
That's like saying you're angry at Visa.
—Congressional candidate Rob Miller (D, SC), over requests by opponent Rep. Joe Wilson (R, SC) that he return Moveon.org donations. You know, they had that Petraeus ad three years ago that's way more offensive than yelling out that the President is a liar during a nationally televised address.
It's clearly cashing in on this sacred event.
—Huffington Post's Roy Sekoff on Ed Schultz about Sarah Palin and Glen Beck's 911palooza in Anchorage, AK. Beck said he had no idea Palin would be in Alaska and that it would be on September 11.
A friend called, and well, I'm not very good with electronics, is there a YouTube? It was on some kind of electronic server.
—Crazy man and county treasurer candidate Phil Davidson in Minerva, Ohio. Yeah man, check it out. There's a guy seeing a double rainbow that might be your cousin.
11. Grow Testicles.
—Blogger David Xia's sarcastic add-on to a misogynistic Citibank memo that listed top 10 things women shouldn't do to sabotage their careers. The gist of the memo was that acting feminine held them back.
We feel we have accomplished our goal. We feel that God has told us to stop.
—Pastor Terry Jones, who told some bizarre lies about a compromise with Park 51 organizers that didn't happen. The latest news has not reached Afghanistan, where violent protests have resulted in the deaths of several people.
The Cuban model doesn't even work for us anymore.
—Fidel Castro to Jeffrey Goldberg. Ruh roh. Castro tried to walk back his statement with an illogical follow up later.
But nine years ago today, he was a nobody.
—Fox's Neil Cavuto, interrupting coverage of Michelle Obama's September 11 speech to criticize Obama on his lack of experience. Oh, go back to your ivory tower and eat your arugula lettuce, Neil Cavuto!
Donald: We're ready to sit down with you and finalize this agreement whenever you'd like. Call us at 646-214-8138 and let's make it happen!
—Website Gawker, which offered Donald Trump $10,000 to shut up for 30 days after he offered to buy Park 51.
What has happened, since May, five, six months later, for political reasons, certain politicians decided that this project would be very useful for their political ambitions.
—Imam Abdul Rauf on This Week, citing no opposition when the Park 51 project was originally announced.
Here we are so many years later, and I fear we are forgetting.
—Glenn Beck, about 9/11. Oh no, asshole, we are not forgetting. Because you are selling 9/11 to us (Buy gold).
I mean, what I'd like to know from, not just the former mayor but from, you know, the people who, who keep talking about this Islamic community center, is that what is it that this multifaith, multistoried community center being led by an American Imam that two presidents, Republican and Democrat, have used as a--as an ambassador to the Muslim world, cultural ambassador to the Muslim world, what does that have to do with al-Qaeda?
—Writer Reza Aslan. If you find out, let us know.
They feel the way the feel, and they don't want to be called a bigot or a racist.
—Steve Doocey to Brent Bozell, on Fox and Friends. If you see a racist today, give them a hug.
So I'm going to have to stage a series of tricks to get the mainstream media to have to pay attention to it. So that's what I did. I admit it, I tricked you.
—Andrew Breitbart, speaking at the 9/12 rally. Yeah, you're feeling deja vu, aren't you?
I can only feel that there must be some personal agenda which we have yet to see. And I'm going to be waiting for it.
—Jon Voight, on Mike Huckabee's TV show about Mayor Michael Bloomberg's support of Park 51. Jeez, these Hollywood actors! If they would just stop using their celebrity status to express their personal opinions!
The best ally in the struggle against violent Islamism is moderate Islam. The unfounded attacks on the backers of Park 51 and others, along with such sideshows as a pastor calling for the burning of Korans, give substance to the Al Qaeda argument that the U.S. is waging a war against Islam, rather than against the terrorists' misshapen effigy of that religion. Those stirring the pot in this debate are casting a spell that is far more dangerous than they may imagine.
—Author Lawrence Wright (Looming Tower)
She told me to be careful, because [The Tea Party Express] will come at me with everything they’ve got.
—Rep. Mike Castle (R, DE), about a call from Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R, AK). Polls now show him and Castle's opponent, Tea Party favorite Christine O'Donnell, in a dead heat in the Delaware primary.
No one has ever suggested that mosques be banned. … No one has ever suggested that Muslims aren’t free to worship in the way they wish to worship. … This is simply a belief that family members whose loved ones were brutally murdered, the ones we heard from today, should be respected when they say an Islamic mosque at this site is wildly inappropriate.
—Radio talk show host Mike Gallagher. Uh, yes they have. Dude, you need to get out more.
Just to be on the side of freedom. I couldn't see it being done. It's mean.
—Protester Nancy O'Gorman, on why she went to Sam Houston Park in Amarillo to speak out against a burning of the Koran, which was thwarted when a skateboarder stole it from the director of a Christian hate group. It's the Nancys of the world who really make us free.
Quote the Ravin' is a weekly roundup of quotes taken from news and blogs around the internets, and (usually) is published every Tuesday before lunchtime.