We got a call Wednesday that my father-in-law's caregiver had unexpectedly died.(In fact, Dad was the one to find him dead.) Suddenly, I was faced with something that I was absolutely unprepared for. When I found out I was pregnant, I had seven months to figure out what I needed to do and put in place. This feels like getting an eight-month-old baby on my doorstep with papers pinned to it naming me guardian. Dad has had six back surgeries since 1968, has emphysema, has had both knees replaced (one of them twice) is partially deaf, and is in the early stages of Alzheimer's, at the age of 78. He also has an addiction to oxycontin.
Neither my husband nor myself hold the medical and legal powers of attorney. We agreed to turn Dad's finances and all bills over to his brother, who has those already. The situation is complicated by the discovery that Dad is being sued and bills are coming in....Kevin took quite a bit of money out and ran up bills at local businesses to the tune of about $20K overall. His mail is going to be sent to the brother, who will bring over any personal letters when he visits and will handle paying the utilities and raising the contributions from the family to pay the live-in caregiver.
But his brother doesn't "speak medicalese". I do. I also live ten minutes away, versus forty. I do not punch a time clock daily, and can rearrange my life quickly to serve as a respite caregiver. I sorted out from rather confused notes what he was on and for what, refilled his pill sorter, and worked out a solution to the unfortunate problem that Dad can't be permitted to choose when he takes his pain pills. (It involves a locked box with keys held by me and Dad's brother, he puts meds in, I load the pill sorter and keep the list and quantities up to date and make sure to check medication interactions, and the live-in caregiver does not thereby have access to Dad's oxycontin bottle.)We've got another brother willing to take him to doctor's appointments, along with Bear and I.
We came up with someone who could in fact move in and take over day to day care of Dad. In a flash of inspiration, I remembered several facts about a friend of ours; he comes in and helps me on my period weeks with laundry, when I can't lift, and is soothing and patient and makes me laugh when I hurt. He took care of his grandfather til he had to go into a nursing home. He is laid off, and his unemployment is held up, so he is going to lose his apartment. He is thirty, and in pretty good health, and trustworthy. And he is willing to live with Dad for what we can afford to pay him. (It is not what this is worth, but we are doing the best we can, plus free room and board and all utilities paid.) I honestly think that in another era he would have joined a monastery and devoted his life to the service of others. He is satisfied with a smaller life than most these days.
We figured out how to get him eating real food that is better for him. I am cooking for both him and his new caretaker, who can about manage to microwave a baked potato, and taking over preportioned containers of dinner about every three days or so.
But this is all undiscovered country for me. Where do I start looking for resources? What, beyond making sure his physical needs are met and encouraging him not to just hole up in his bedroom and swear in pain, should I be doing? As someone with chronic issues myself, I can't just swoop in and "do it all", I already know that. Moving in with him isn't an option for us for any number of reasons. We want to keep him in his own home as long as we can before we need to put him into a nursing home.
Anything you can do to just point me in the right direction to find some answers would be greatly appreciated.
(If I am slow to respond to comments, it will be because I have gone back to Dad's to keep working on things, and there isn't internet out there yet.)