Last week, my daughter came out. She's not sure if she's Lesbian or Bi yet, but right now she's in a relationship with a young woman whom she's known for almost 10 years. My husband and I both know her and like her. We are friends with her parents and everyone is cool with it. We had discussed the possibility with our girl and she knew that we would not have a problem with whatever she decided. We raised her as a good Progressive, with values that we share - like compassion and tolerance and standing up against injustice. We think we did a pretty good job.
Update: Wow, I go for a walk and.... thanks. I will pass this along to my daughter :)
When yesterday's infuriating news about DADT came out, I was very angry. Because not only is this something I have been against (and doing what I could to help get rid of) since its inception but now it was personal. Even though my daughter is not in the military, nor ever intends to be, this vote today was a message to all LGBT people: "you are not deserving of the same rights we have."
When someone denies gays the right to marry, when they say that they cannot do a job they love because of who they are, when they block adoptions for gay parents, they are attacking my kid now. And any parent out there knows what instinct this awakens in a REAL Mother Grizzly. Not for nothing is one of my totem animals the Bear. Suck it, Palin!
All my life I have been "gay-friendly." It could be because my Mother had a cousin who, in a traditional Southern family, came out in the 60's. What courage that took! She had always looked up to Cousin Marcel for that. Our whole family had a pretty laid-back attitude towards gays, I never remember any derogatory remarks being made, at least not in front of me (and it was pretty hard my first 7 years to NOT have me around.).
In school and in my early work life, I had gay friends. Being as I was involved in choir and drama in High School, I suppose that was inevitable. Then, in my late teens, working at a Tower Records store, I had a few gay friends (one of whom was an ex-boyfriend). I suppose at that time, you could have called me a "fag-hag" since I'd go to clubs with my friends and was quite happy to dwell in the whole gay culture. After I was married, my husband and I would still go out now and then. I always had so much fun!
We waited 10 years to have a child. When we were 31, we decided to do it. The last part of my pregnancy was dangerous and our daughter was born prematurely. Happily, she was completely normal and healthy once the whole thing was over. After that, we thought that "one-and-done" was the best policy for us. We raised our girl to respect everyone, no matter their race, religion or lifestyle. I am happy to say that we were successful in turning out a smart, caring and giving human being. One who has always stood up for what is right.
So, I wanted to say here among a community which understands that I am proud to be a LGBT parent. In fact, the first thing I said was "My little girl is just like Rachel Maddow!" Hey, it was a moment of weakness. I want to re-commit to the fight for equal rights for everyone. Always. We - my whole family - will not stop until my daughter and her girlfriend can legally marry, can join the military if they want to, can adopt if they wish to and can do whatever else they want to do to make them happy. And we will fight until every other gay, bi or transgender individual can do the same. Equal rights are not subject to votes or popularity contests. No, not in this country.
Yesterday evening, I went for my usual walk. But I was angry. So I went for some loud music. I'm currently on a Rush (the band not the blowhard) kick so I have a lot of their stuff on my MP3 player. I have a lot of Genesis, too, but since my Mother died last fall I have not been able to listen to much of it. She liked Genesis. I had made her a mix CD last spring and she and I discussed it many times, talking about which songs we liked and why (they were all softer tunes). So I find that there are many lurking "bombs" in Genesis' music. I don't have that problem with Rush (tbntbh) - they were too heavy for her. So, since they are my second favorite band.... Anyway, I played some of the more intense stuff, walking along to shredding guitar and thundering drums. I walked so far and so hard that I still hurt (oh, the morning after). But one song made me stop and take a breath. One song's lyrics gave me hope and re-affirmed my determination. A song called Bravado.
If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
If love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
If love remains, though everything is lost... Love remains. And we will nurture it and feed it until it is bigger than their hate and fear. My daughter is depending on it. And she is not alone.