When we heard about 350.org's 10/10/10 project a couple of months ago, we struggled to find one that was appropriate to our own project.
Last week we had an epiphany, and we've launched an 11th-hour experiment, to gather 350 jokes about environmental collapse by 10/10/10, and then make that database freely available for nonprofit use.
Why jokes? Because by laughing, we understand differently.
And because environmentalists are, according to most conservative pundits, a humorless lot, too serious by half, and we want to prove them wrong.
Below are the 40 jokes we've collected so far (only 310 to go!), in descending order of recency, not quality. There are some good ones!
If you'd like to participate, please do, either in the comments (I'll copy and paste 'em!) or directly, on the 350jokes page on our site.
Think like a stand-up comedian!
- Vicki says: There was an expert talking about the loss of the treasure trove of biodiversity in Africa and Asia. Seems to me that if monocrops are good enough for Iowa, they're good enough for Africa.
- yeahme says: I heard this term recently, "fossil water." They mean the water in aquifers that filled over hundreds of thousands, even millions of years, that we're draining in less than a century. But I couldn't help thinking, "Ick, Trilobytes were swimming in this?"
- Jim says: You heard about the warming ocean water bleaching coral -- that's when it dies and turns white? I mentioned that to my friend, and he said "Life's a bleach, and then you die."
- Frank says: Ideally, the coming climate collapse means I'll get laid a whole lot more!
- Dumbgrid says: We have warming oceans and we have giant ice shelves and ice bergs breaking off -- "can't we all just get along!"
- Gotit says: I don't know what's worse: believing that the collapse is unstoppable, or believing that there's a faint glimmer of hope that we can pull ourselves out of it.
- Jim says: I hear about another species going extinct and I say, "So?" -- I mean, jeez, we own MILLIONS of 'em.
- Carl says: The problem is, the only way we could stop population growth is by spreading toxins to decrease fertility, worldwide. Sorta like bisphenol-A. Or flame retardants. Or pesticides and herbicides. Say! Maybe there's a silver lining in there, after all!
- Carl says: Said the corporate titan / to the common guy / don't stop to think / just run and buy / [a la Burma Shave]
- Bobo says: I don't know whither the weather has whisked, nor whether the weather has withered. Whatever.
- PJ says: How does Homer Simpson react to the fact that sea ice melting means that more sunlight and thus warmth will be absorbed by the water? Albed'oh!
- Betty says: I'd tell you a joke about rampant consumerism, but I've got to drive my daughter to the mall.
- sixofone says: They say that bees are abandoning their hives in record numbers. I think it's because their hive mortgages are underwater.
- Marc says: I believe in treating deniers with the respect they deserve. That's why I laugh derisively.
- sixofone says: The Northwest Passage is now open, and the Arctic is melting. What happens to Superman's fortress of solitude? And where will Santa live?
- SpamMan says: The geoengineering crowd keeps talking about how it will "only" take 10 billion kilograms of nanotech sparklies pushed into the atmosphere to ward off the greenhouse sun. Seems like scientists would want to wait to see the results of the existing uncontrolled experiment on the real world, before starting on a new one.
- Paul says: Y'know what scares me the most about environmental collapse? Imagining, as it gets worse, and worse, the logical gymnastics of the deniers.
- Harold says: You've heard about the Sixth Extinction, the one we're in now, where man-made changes are causing the worst mass extinctions in 65 million years, and growing? I think it just shows how badass humans are.
- Michael says: So if we have enough hi-def IMAX 3D footage of the natural world, the next question is: do we then even NEED nature?
- Fishman says: When you think about climate change, doesn't it just make you feel all warm outside?
- Michael says: I heard that "the permafrost is melting." Doesn't that indicate a fundamental problem with the English language?
- Fishman says: Did you hear about the endocrine-disrupted fish downstream of water treatment plants? Last I heard, they were all saying "that's what SHE said."
- blackjack says: Here's one I've wondered about for awhile: why is it farmers are still considered "consumers"?
- Vera says: I hear that bats are suffering from White Nose Syndrome. It's their own damn fault for letting their addictions control their lives.
- Joel says: When the collapse occurs, can I collect a retroactive tax on the deniers?
- Ursula says: A BP executive bellied up to the keg at a party. He took the tap and began treating it like a drinking fountain. When the outraged host saw the beer on the ground, the executive explained that many people were at fault in the calamity -- the person who handed him the tap, the beer tap that didn't stop as intended, the lack of training on correct operation of the tap. "Altogether unfortunate," he concluded.
- Harold says: A drunk denier was looking for his keys under a streetlamp. His friend said "why are you looking for them here? You lost your keys at the bar." The drunk denier said, "That's just a theory. The light is better here."
- George says: If all the human-generated problems were laid end-to-end, how far would they extend? Until we addressed them.
- Fred says: Three species roll into a bar. The first says, "I'm threatened. You?" The second says "I'm endangered. Got you beat." The third says "I'm extinct. But my animatronic version is almost lifelike, wouldn't you say?"
- Fred says: If the end is near, then how come we're so myopic?
- Andy says: Two deniers meet in a bar. The first says, "I hear that alcoholism is just a theory." The second says, "let's find out, by testing in the real world."
- Bobo says: Extinction means never having to say you're sorry.
- Nancy says: Ninety years ago we were in Model T's. I'm sure we'll think of something to fix the fix we're in. I mean, we wouldn't do something we couldn't fix, right?
- Susan says: How many deniers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None: they won't touch CFLs.
- Franny says: How risk-free do those crazy environmentalists want GMO stuff to be? I'm sure the experts understand all the possible consequences -- or they wouldn't be doing it at all. Right?
- Jim says: It's pretty clear that humans plan to peak that oil where the sun don't shine.
- Maureen says: How many deniers does it take to change a light bulb? 5% of the total, to confirm to each other that darkness is a theory.
- Gary says: What's the chemical composition of the atmosphere these days? CO2much
- Bobo says: The free market of corporate dominance is our friend. They told me so.
- Michael says: It's the ecology, stupid!