It seems like only yesterday, but at the same time a lifetime ago that we gathered in our attorney's office to be married by his notary. A lot has happened in those 5 years, but still not the one thing that would make this a happy day - marriage equality, at least not on a national level and certainly not in Florida.
You see, on that day 5 years ago, my partner of 20+ years and I dissolved our domestic partnership to marry the two women who have been our wives for the past 5 years.
Follow me below the fold for a quick review of that day and what has transpired in the 5 years since.
Here's a link to my original posting 5 years ago
You see, five years ago I had no health insurance and because of the expense and difficulty of obtaining private insurance, was getting limited health care through my local county public health offices. I was putting things off and the years were not being kind. My partner, retired with wonderful government benefits, could do little to help.
Then a friend of many years, who also had the same government retirement benefits and had a partner in the same boat with no insurance, suggested we marry each other to legally gain access to those rights we felt should be ours. A review by our attorney and piles of legal papers later and the four of us were sitting in his office to be married in a private ceremony.
Back then our wives lived about an hour north of us. A couple of years ago they moved a further north and it's now a 4 hour drive. We joke about how easy it is to maintain a marriage when you have to make a conscious decision to go see one another. We are best of friends, seeing each other several times a year and every year or so vacationing together.
But I'm still reminded on a regular basis that I can't marry the man I love, with whom I've spent my last 26 years.
There have been encouraging signs. Marriage equality has come to several states. We elected a new president in 2008 with the hope that we might finally make progress on equality issues. So far, that progress has been slow and limited. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still on the books. The Defense of Marriage Act is still on the books. There are still no federal protections for gays and lesbians in the workplace or housing. My state Florida, however, passed a constitutional amendment in 2008 to ban marriage equality. We've only recently won the right to adopt in Florida through court challenges to an outdated mean spirited state law.
But for us, the patchwork quilt of state by state changes doesn't mean much until the federal government is willing to recognize our relationship. And that day may be a ways down the road.
What's encouraging are the new polls every year that show increased support for marriage equality. And those same polls show that as the older generation dies off and is replaced by a newer generation, those prejudices are even less pronounced. I wonder if I will live long enough, however, to see the tipping point.
So this week we are driving north and will have a nice dinner with our wives and then house sit for a week and take care of their cat while they head for a week at the beach. We will raise a glass and toast our unique friendship and look forward to the day when the rest of the country learns what we already know - it's time for marriage equality. Way past time.
Five years ago, I was just beginning to see the distrinction between calling it marriage, or civil unions or domestic partnerships. I would have told you I realy didn't care what you called it, domestic partnerships, civil unions or marriage, as long as it provided the same benefits. I've changed my mind. Until we achieve marriage equality, we are never going to have the same rights and benefits that are accorded to same-sex marriages. And frankly, I don't believe I deserve any less. I am tired of hearing that I should be happy with "separate but equal". It didn't work 50 years ago and it's not relevant today.
I suppose I'll Google to see what the appropriate gift is for a 5th anniversary. (The traditional gift, by the way, is wood.) Not that we're into gifts and cards. For all of us it's an, "oh by the way, guess what today is" day.
I'm thankful that I have such good friends who are willing to put themselves out there to solve a mutual problem. I can't tell you how much easier the past 5 years have been, not having to worry about health insurance. Doing taxes is much more complicated, but we've also discovered the significant financial benefits that are given to married couples by the federal government.
So here's to 5 years. I love my wife, but I truly hope that before another 5 years pass I can divorce her and marry the man with whom I'm spending the rest of my life.