Just for the heck of it, here's a conversation I just had with a well-meaning person I went to high school with.
She's not just a person I went to high school with, she is the first woman I ever fell in love with, though I didn't realize that is what it was at the time.
She is not just the first person I ever fell in love with, though I didn't realize it at the time, she is a person who converted to fundamentalist Christianity during the period I was in love with her.
There is a lot of history I could add in here, but it boils down to this. I didn't understand who I was sexually, beyond the fact that I was sexually abused by my grandfather and the thought of my own sexual feelings made me panic. Eventually this woman went from being someone I related to, to someone who thinks Sarah Palin was a good idea, and someone who thinks homosexuality is an unhealthy lifestyle.
I don't even talk to her anymore, and haven't for years. I know it is dumb to engage with her. But she called today and I picked up the phone. She wanted to tell me she loves me. She wanted to tell me that she loves me no matter what. I asked her how her life is going, and she didn't want to talk about that, no, she wanted to ask me questions about my life and how it's going.
My life... I really believe that I am going to come out of this black night of the soul experience of my life with some great gifts of character development. I'm going to finally learn how to please myself and not really care about other people's requirements. I'm going to come out of this process stronger.
But it's pretty hard to talk in an unguarded way about my life, the divorce I am currently undertaking with a man who was my only trusted family, the struggles with the woman I came out with who I dearly love, with someone who thinks being gay is an unhealthy choice.
And as she asked me the questions about my life and I answered, she asked who was in the room with me that I couldn't talk openly.
I had to tell her that she was the one in the room that I couldn't talk openly with. And what a weird thing that is to say to someone who probably was sincerely clueless in her curiosity.
Ladies and Gentlemen who will read this diary: the idea that you can "love" someone and all the while "know" that their lifestyle choice is unhealthy is unhinged.
I had to tell her that. "Look", I said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I have talked to a lot of Christians and done a lot of thinking about this, and I don't believe it is possible to have an honest and open conversation about my life with you when you are busy judging my life."
"No!" She said. "No! I'm not judging YOU! I LOVE YOU!"
It went on.
Here's why I'm writing:
Please stop saying "lifestyle choice". It means that you can pretend to love the sinner while hating the sin. But my actions are not a sin. I am living my life honestly, and making honest mistakes and feeling honestly full of grief and honestly wanting to punch people in the nose for saying "lifestyle choice".
Also, does anyone have the history of when "lifestyle choice" was first used against glbt people? Does anyone have the ability to teach me how to research that if no one knows?
Saying you judge glbt people for being glbt is a lot more honest than this whole love the sinner hate the sin thing.
Here's a lifestyle choice for you:
go around, promulgating your fantasy idea that "God" really cares who I'm having sex with
make sure you are defending the rights of a bunch of straight people to bag on glbt folk
when kids start killing themselves, figure out that it's really because those nasty glbt types are encouraging them to be themselves but everyone knows that is hateful because then the kids kill themselves from the shame of letting themselves be who they are
and then go pretend that you are full of love and light.