So I'm driving through town today and I see this line coming out of a building. Aha, I think, where there's a line there has to be a cutting edge technological device that I can buy and brag to my friends about. So I wait in line, which was a lot more civil than the last Black Friday line I waited in. There's a lot of tension in the line, which is normal when you're worried about getting cutoff right before they sell the last plasma TV.
But it's obvious they are phishing for personal information, because they asked me for my address and such, but this must be some outfit, they already had my address pegged so I couldn't give 'em a fake one. And then they hand me this questionnaire. Jesus, am I ever going to get my iPhone thing?
So I guess it was asking which salespeople that I preferred to talk to in the store with D and R after their names. And I'm not the retro guy when it comes to electronics, I chose digital all the way down. So I finish and notice there is not a iPod in the place. It must be a drawing.
And sure enough, when I leave, they put my survey in the raffle box. I wonder what I win?
I think that is the Snapple branch.
—Zach Galifinakis, answering Lawrence O'Donnell's question as to which Tea Party branch that Gov. Mitch Daniels (R, IN) belongs to on Realtime With Bill Maher.
Obama and the country might be even better off in the next two years. Because at least the Republicans will have one entity of government —that is the House of Representatives—for which they will be responsible to the American people. So they can't be totally irresponsible the next two years, as they have been the first two years.
—Former President Jimmy Carter on Real Time.
Isn't that marxism?
—Bill Maher on trick or treating.
So remember, O'Donnell voters: eyes open, legs closed and keep your hands where we can see them.
—Stephen Colbert on Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell's (R, DE) call to prayer for her supporters.
Well, that’s certainly one plausible explanation.
—Jonah Goldberg on NRO's The Corner, when a reader commented that the reason nobody is posting comments is the comment system doesn't work.
You know, I agree with that. That those standards have to be high for someone who would ever want to run for president like, um, wasn't Ronald Reagan an actor? Wasn't he in Bedtimes for Bonzo, bozo or something? Ronald Reagan was an actor.
—Sarah Palin on Fox News Sunday responding to criticism of her reality TV show.
Which begs the question: Is Sarah Palin and her family acting on her reality TV show?
The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen. Or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the dangerous, unexpected flaming ants epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
—Jon Stewart at the Rally to Restore Sanity.
Obviously some degree of military secrecy is necessary, but it’s clearly much less than the degree we’ve now got. Instead a lot of stuff seems to be kept classified merely because it’s convenient to stamp everything that way, or else because sparing the citizens the gory details of war is better for home front morale. Or something.
Matthew Yglesias on Wikileaks.
I don't think the paper that we just printed this article on, you know, it's not worth even wrapping my King Salmon in. I'll just ignore this crap.
—Sarah Palin talking about Politico's article about conservatives ready to smack down a Palin presidential bid in 2012. Politico doesn't have a print edition except in the D.C. area.
Who's a Washington insider? Who is?
Why did Tea Party candidates criticize Obama for getting $2 billion out of BP for the gulf spill? Obama was defending our waters from British business interests. If only there was some historical precedent to latch onto.
—Bill Maher on Real Time.
Remember when Ronald Reagan was president? We had Bob Hope. We had Johnny Cash. Think about where we are today. We have got President Obama. But we have no hope and we have no cash.
—Rep. John Boehner (R, OH) on the stump.
John Boehner: Stop using my dad's name as a punchline, you asshat.
If this is a racial metaphor, you aren't Rosa Parks. You're Miss Daisy.
—Jon Stewart, on conservative outcry over Obama's line that Republicans can come for the ride, but they have to sit in the back.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime.