In a stunning turn of events, the National TeaBag Coalition (NTC) today announced that - due to to certain extent conditions - government may have to play a role in Medicare.
Chairman of the NTC, Ayndrew Randy, in a speech before a crowd of 17 at a retirement home in Paskolep, Georgia, today announced, "We've always wanted to make sure government stayed out of Medicare. It was a lofty goal, but we've found that - due to recent changes in the political climate in Washington D.C., we may not have a choice. We promise...we swear to you, however, that the government jackals in that city [ed. Note: Washington DC] will never, NEVER, touch social security. They will NEVER run that fine private program, and they will NEVER have a voice in the way those checks arrive."
Asked about recent funding irregularities by a local reporter, Randy refused to answer or even acknowledge the reporter, muttering only: "lamestream....lamestream....lamestream."
After Randy's departure aboard a private helicopter marked 'Koch Industries', elderly resident Becky Goldscam, stated, "God bless Ayndrew Randy. I told him I was the victim of one of those Nigerian schemes that our president brought over from Kenya, and he personally told me that he wouldn't let the death panels get me. He said his party was committed to ending the death panels that the jihadists from Canada have shoved down our throat. He said that Sharia law was gonna end soon, and we'd all be free of those French Algerians that have taken over our democracy." As tears welled up in her eyes, she turned away...but not before whispering, "I love him."
Ah well, I would rather live amongst the Pakistanis in London, the Turks of Berlin, the Algerians in Barcelona or the Roma of the Loire Valley than spend even one more brief moment under the jursidiction of the emboldened and xenophobic American Right.
But not before I vote the crazies out of office in '12.
Oh yeah...and keep your fucking hands off my social security, Kos.