I actually kid! This diary is more a of public service announcement for how to go through security by a frequent traveller.
I travel a lot. I am part of the 100K or more club. Sometimes I feel like I live in the airport more than my own house. Here are the top pet peeves I have while standing in line for security checks. Please don't be one of these people.
- MEN!! Please empty your pockets before you get to the front of the line. I don't have time to watch you dig through your pockets for loose change. You had the last 30 minutes to dig it out of your pocket before you reached the front. Also take off your belt. If your pants are too big and will fall off the minute you take off your pants, GET NEW PANTS.
- LATECOMERS! I'm sorry you ran into traffic, forgot your passport, see your friend in line, slept in... As someone who is constantly living on the danger side of missing their flight, I have no sympathy for you. No you can't cut the line. Everyone in that line has a flight to catch. Some of us are late as well and are taking our chances. Get in the back of the line and wait with everyone else.
- FIREWORK, KNIFE, LIGHTER HOLDER! You do realize that the scanner is hopefully going to pick up your prohibited item. I'm sorry that this lighter is your lucky lighter and you have never been without it. What is it doing in your luggage. Arguing for 30 minutes on why you should be able to take it will just annoy me and the TSA worker. It will also probably make you a target for a "special strip search"
- OVERPACKERS!! Please trust the airline to handle your goods. Watching you juggle 12 carry-ons that you are too cheap/lazy/mistrustful to check is painful. No, I'm not going to help you lift the 300 pound bag that you packed.
- BUSINESS TRAVELLERS! Yes, you do have to put your laptop in a separate tray. Maybe you missed the three million announcements/12 signs that told you to take it out.
- COMBAT BOOT WEARS! Maybe not the best choice of shoes to wear to the airport. Yes, I want to watch you unlace the 45 buckles. This also goes to women who wear the latest fashionable boots. Again, try to unlace them in the 30 minutes that you have been aimless staring into space.
People I give a pass to: Large foreign groups, the elderly and people with children. I won't actually stand in your line but I will give you a pass for special circumstances.
On a serious note: I sympathy for anyone who has been molested by the TSA. My experience tends to give the TSA the benefit of the doubt. They have to deal with the hostile public and they want to get you through as fast as possible.