I was expecting Republican criticism of the fact that people cheered and clapped at the Tucson memorial service. It wasn't properly upper class WASP behavior where any overt display of emotion beyond dabbing discretely at your eyes with a monogrammed hankie is frowned on. We should behave like the Bushes at all time
Wake up to reality, people.
There is no proper rule on how to mourn the loss of someone you love.
I oughtta know. I buried a 29-year-old husband when I was 34. I had to arrange a funeral which would suit the man I loved and lost, without offending his very upper crust WASP parents (turned out to be only his Dad; his mother was hospitalized, from shock at his death, which was a blessing because it meant no one had to keep her away from me, the woman she loathed) and my Irish Catholic family.
There was no wake or viewing. I wanted people to remember the vibrant, handsome, smart-assed Irish rebel who impersonated Corwin of Amber at many sf cons, not a body lying still in a coffin. In life, he was never still, and his face never looked peaceful--it expressed whatever he felt at the moment, and his hands were always in motion. We used the priest who buried my grandmother, a lovely African-American who didn't object to a graveside service for a non-Catholic, and it was standard Catholic, except for two readings of two poems by Yeats. Then an Irish piper played a song that was both lament and drinking song, which Tim would have loved. And when I realized that this cemetery had dug the grave extra deep so it could eventually hold two coffins, I murmured to the friend who was holding my hand, "Tim always liked me on top"--I am sure the Republicans would have gasped at my inappropriate behavior (his mother sure would).
We adjourned to my cousin's home for brunch because it was a long ride back from Stamford, Conn, where the burial site was, to Brooklyn New York. After a decent period, we drove home, where we held the real wake Tim deserved.
Brit Hume would have plotzed if he'd been there.
I changed out of my black dress (I had deliberately worn a green Kinsale cloak over it because I knew Tim would have preferred it) and threw it down the garbage chute. Then we all sat around while a friend cast a Wiccan circle. Within t hat sacred space, we waked Tim the Irish way, with story and song and a lot of booze. We told stories and sang songs. At the end, a friend of his read a passage from the Zelazny classic The Sign of the Unicorn which summed up Tim in all his flaws and glory. He really was a Zelazny hero. I consider that Tim's true memorial, not the graveside service which was held for the benefit of older relatives but had little to do with the man being buried.
Tim loved Irish music, a good belt of whiskey, and science fiction. He was a Wiccan, not a Christian. He hated tears and loved to laugh. We made accommodations to the needs of others, but we kept in front of us the face of the man we lost. I am sure a lot of the folks at Fox News would have sneered at his real wake. But they didn't know him, and he would have despised them, though he died before the days of Fox.
There are many ways to mourn and to say goodbye. African American and Pentecostal funerals are often vibrant, noisy affairs, as are many ethnic traditional funerals. Listen to your heart, and let anyone who has the unmitigated, self righteous, holier-than-thou gall to criticize, be told that their opinion was unwanted and unappreciated.
UPDATE: Just to make it clear, I was not saying that stoic restraint at a funeral, something I've only encountered at white Protestant affairs, is wrong. There is no right way to mourn. What I am saying is that criticizing others for mourning in a different manner is wrong. Most people are jarred by traditions they are not used to,and the tendency is to declare those traditions inappropriate because they make us uncomfortable.
As for politicizing the topic of funerals, I think we all knew the Republican would have to fund something to complain about simply because Obama was there. They, not I, politicized it. I merely pointed out that their response was predictable. I am actually surprised that they didn't latch on to the Native American blessing with more fervor, because generally they tend to make fun of any tradition that is not Christian.
As for my comments about behaving like the Bushes, who opt for stoic impassivity at all times courtesy of their Connecticut Yankee upbringing (something I understand because I grew up in Connecticut), I was actually thinking of the story about how 6 or 7 year old Dubya learned of the death of his beloved sister, who had leukemia. His parents left him home in TX while they coped with their dying daughter in Connecticut, where she died and was buried. NO ONE told George. He ran tot he car when his parents returned and, not seeing his sister in the back seat, asked where she was. Then and only then was he told what had happened.He never got a chance to say goodbye. I suspect that they simply didn't have the energy to cope with an energetic little boy while their daughter was dying, and so left him home, and that they didn't want to tell him over the phone that she had died,but waited to tell him in person. However, MANY people would have handled it differently, because there isn't a single right way to do this.