Hey everybody, I'm back with an exclusive video sting that I did with the help of a good friend of mine who must remain anonymous so as not to break his probation. Let's call him "Kames O'Jeefe". Anyway, we were throwing back some Bud Select 55's and after about 18 we decided to switch to cheap scotch so we could approach something of a buzz. And that's when Kames came up with the idea to bring down the next bastion of liberalism: classical symphonies! You hear symphony music all over NPR, what better way to destroy their elitist way of life?
So I went around with my friend Kate (who is 35, but she still gets carded all the time, LOL) and I posed as a pimp and she posed as a 14 year old flutist. So we went around and got all this great video of me asking, "Do you have any problems with a 14 year old playing the flute?" And they didn't get it, LOL!
So I called Kames up, and he was like, "Great work! They didn't even get the double entourage! Those college edumacated elitists are going to look like fools!" So we called Andrew Breitbart and he got the joke RIGHT AWAY. That guy is a treasure trove of penis jokes, ask him next time you see him. So Big Government is running with it. I don't know how Republicans are going to defund symphonies without cracking up. It just makes me giggle.
This is, I do not use the term lightly, looney tunes.
—Chris Matthews, on Glenn Beck's bizarro Egyptian theory.
I get really testy when I hear people who should get it come after me. It’s like really, have you done a minute of research, Bill?
—Glenn Beck on his radio show rhetorically to Bill Krystol, who criticized him on said bizarro Egyptian theory.
That quote is so delicious you should read it again.
People who live in helium houses...
—Jon Stewart on Chris Matthews' insult of Michele Bachmann: balloon head.
Still won't make a choice, eh? Well, you remind me of the Obama administration.
—Stephen Colbert, to "Christianne Aman-purr", a cat he brought on to make the choice between two cat food bowls to decide what the Egyptian protests are: "Democratic Uprising" or "Islamic Power Grab".
Both the towering slab of stone -- and the untruths told in its shadow -- epitomize what Ronald Reagan has become as the nation prepares to celebrate his centennial on February 6: Not a real flesh-and-blood man, but a myth. And this is not a harmless myth, but a political fairy tale that has brought disastrous real-world consequences for America and its citizens for more than a decade.
—Will Bunch, on a huge statue of Ronald Reagan in...Louisiana?
He'd say, "Jim, I'd rather get 80 percent of what I want than go over the cliff with my flag flying." He said it all the time. So he was--he, he knew when to hold them, he knew when to fold them. He was an extraordinarily fine negotiator. He'd learned all that as head of the Screen Actors Guild.
—James Baker on Ronald Reagan.
You mean like...Barack Obama?
Thank you Bill, for giving my life meaning. You're like St. Thomas Aquinas, in that your understanding of the world is also from the 13th century.
—Stephen Colbert, on Bill O'Reilly's query as to where the moon came from in his defense of God.
Because who better to get your advice from than a drug addicted fat man?
—Bill Maher on Rush Limbaugh's criticism of the First Lady's health initiative.
The good thing about science is it's true whether or not whether you believe in it.
—Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson on Realtime.
This wasn't an accident, this is what happens when deregulation runs amuck.
—Anthony Weiner on the mortgage crisis.
You're going to attack NASA for one half of one penny? And say it's spending it on the wrong things? When NASA is a force of nature unto itself? To inspire a generation? To want to become scientifically literate?
—Neil deGrasse Tyson
on the taxpayer breakdown cost of NASA.
You be the judge as to whether the matter is “small potatoes.”
—Peter Kirsanow of the US Commission on Civil Rights, which has spent thousands of dollars trying to charge the Obama administration with prejudice in not pursuing the New Black Panther Party "voter intimidation" case after the Bush administration dropped criminal charges.
Dude, it's not even tater tots.
Rather, he was hated not for what he did but for who he was.
—The Corner's Gabriel Schoenfield, on John Hinckley shooting Ronald Reagan.
If only Hinckley could have seen The Beaver, he would have been disappointed with Jodie Foster.
First, the “kochtopus” pun has been going around for a while. It’s bad. Koch is pronounced like the soda “coke.” Coke-topus sounds goofy and un-euphonious. Why not call us “Koch-heads” because we all have “Kochlear implants” that allow us to take our orders from our paymasters in Wichita who are relentlessly Koching the flames of hate and Koching lady justice in the eye.
—Jonah Goldberg
Okay, you're a Koch-head. Noted.
Movie Quote of the Week
In the theater where I saw it, the tedium was broken only by the sound of Angry Birds being played on iPhones.
—Elvis Mitchell of Movieline on The Roommate.
Music Quote of the Week
But when you can't afford a broken nose
How can you afford to fight?
—Ted Leo, "Heart Problems".
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoons on Daily Kos.