We are the lucky ones. Although I would argue that luck played only a minor role. We have a great son. A really great son, who is growing into a fine man. Yes, there have been a few bumps along the way, but we, my husband and I, made Nic our number one priority. We spent time with him, we nurtured him, and we were involved in everything he did. And here’s where the luck came in. We could afford to. We were lucky that we had jobs that were flexible. We were lucky that we had both been able to go to college and yes while we worked hard and strove to do well in our careers, we were damn lucky that we recognized early that life is short and childhood flies by. We also know that not all parents were as lucky or as blessed as we were.
When Nic was in the sixth grade, I asked his teacher what I could do to help. I had three hours a week that I could volunteer. I believe in our public schools but I recognized early on that teachers were strapped for resources. Whenever we could, we donated office equipment, supplies, and our time.
“I have three little girls,” she said, “who are failing. They struggled in the fifth grade, and this year, they are already seriously behind, and we have barely begun the school year. They need help. They need one-on-one help and I simply do not have the time to give it to them. Could you work with them?”
Before I had a chance to really think about it, I found myself saying sure. I imagined that I would help them with math problems, reading, whatever else the teacher felt they needed. Turns out I was only a tiny bit right.
What these girls needed went beyond reading. It went beyond math. It went beyond anything academic. What these girls needed was a parent. They needed someone to hold them accountable, to be interested in what they wanted to do, and to encourage them to strive to be the best they could be.
They came from struggling families. Two of the girls did not know their fathers. Janna’s parents were together, but she rarely saw them because they were both working two jobs just to make ends meet. Kenisha’s mom was a nurse who worked the night shift. Kenisha lived with her grandmother and her mom, but her grandmother was ill and her mother left for work before Kenisha got home from school and didn’t get back in until right before she left in the morning. I never really knew the story about Mica’s mom. When the topic came up she either squirmed with embarrassment or welled up. After I saw her reaction, we didn’t talk about it.
I began by asking the girls what they were interested in. What they wanted to be when they grew up. I wanted to find out what they connected with. Their answers surprised me. Janna wanted to be a vet. She loved animals and had a rescue dog and cat. She talked my ear off about animal adoption and how we need to care for abandoned animals. She knew as much about the topic as many adults I knew. Kenisha wanted to be a fashion designer. And she could draw. She showed me her sketches and they were surprisingly good. And, Mica wanted to work in a store. She too loved clothes, but she wanted to sell them, not make them.
These little girls had dreams. They had things they wanted to accomplish. They had goals. We built on that. I took them to the library and had them find books on the subjects they were interested in. It took a bit of doing, but we managed to find something each of them could read. Then I told them that each of the careers they had identified required at least a high school diploma. So, to do want they wanted to do, they had to work hard now so they could have a fun career later.
I met with their teacher and we went over each child’s problem areas. Turned out the biggest issue for all of them was homework. Not doing their homework and not studying for tests was pulling their grades down. So, I showed them how they could have a C in each subject if they turned in just half of their homework. They were shocked. They could improve their grades from Ds and Fs to Cs simply by doing their homework? Yep.
We drew up a contract. I promised that if they did all their homework for one month, at the end of that month, I would have a special pizza lunch just for them. I would bring pizza and desert and we would have a party. But they couldn’t miss any homework assignments. During our hour sessions on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I helped them with homework and we talked about the books they were reading.
The end of the month came and I was pleased to see that they had turned in all their homework that month. So, I brought in pizza and dessert and served it to three beaming little girls. They asked if we could do it again they next month and I agreed. At the end of that month, I brought in Chinese food.
By the end of the semester, each girl had solid Cs and Kenisha had a B in English. I brought in a cake and ice cream and I gave each of the girls a small journal for a Christmas present. Janna’s was covered in animal pictures. Kenisha’s had blank pages so she could draw. And Mica’s was covered in denim and rhinestones.
As the school year drew to an end, I wanted to find a way to keep their momentum going after they moved on to the seventh grade. So, I met with their teacher and their parents and we arranged a special field trip. Our first stop was a veterinarian’s office. The vet office was in my neighborhood. When I explained what I was doing, he was thrilled to help. For over an hour, he walked Janna and the girls around the office. She helped on a couple of minor procedures. And she asked a million questions. He even offered to allow her to come and help with the special rescue cases he had on Saturdays if her parents would allow it and “if she kept her grades up.” When we left Janna was glowing.
Our next stop was a pattern library located in our downtown. I didn’t even know it existed. A clothing designer friend told me about it and suggested we meet her there. She spent an hour looking at Kenisha’s sketches and showing her patterns that were similar to her ideas. She taught her how to think about lines and flow. And told her that she herself had spent hours in that very library studying patterns. She explained that the library was free and that she could come there and work anytime. While she talked with my designer friend, Janna and Mica played in the clothing collection, proving you are never too old for dress up.
By that point, we were all starving so I took the girls to a friend’s restaurant downtown. They had never eaten at a place where there were “white tablecloths.” Christopher personally made each girl her own plate of pasta and treated them like royalty. He wouldn’t accept a dime for the meal and by the time we left he was teary eyed.
After lunch, we headed for our last stop. A clothing store owned by a friend of a friend. Mica learned that working in a clothing store was hard work. You needed math skills and you had to be nice to the customers. Moving clothes was back breaking and the hours were long. Of all the girls, she walked away rethinking her career options, but loved looking at the clothes.
Saying goodbye to these children was one of the hardest things I have ever done. We left Greensboro that summer and while we tried to keep in touch, eventually the letters dropped off.
A year or so ago, Kenisha found my son on Facebook. She told him that she is still drawing, still doing good in school and still wants to be a designer. She told him to tell me thanks! She said, “Please tell your mom she changed my life.”
Three hours a week, pizza or Chinese food once a month, a field trip. Lots of listening, encouragement, contracts, and showing them what it took to be successful. It was a very small sacrifice to have someone say you changed my life.
Teachers cannot do it alone. Given the size of classes, the budget restrictions, the demeaning rhetoric they have to hear, it is a wonder they show up at all.
I am one of the lucky ones. My son is in college and is doing well. We are blessed. But I am also blessed to have known these little girls. I cannot begin to describe what I got from this experience. It truly is beyond words.
Do you have three hours a week? Money for pizza? A little encouragement to share? Then what are you waiting for?
Updated by Reality Ck at Wed Mar 9, 2011, 10:10:54 PM
Thank you so very much for your kind words. And while I appreciate all your warm thoughts, I bow to the teachers out there who make such a huge difference in our children's lives each and every day. I thank you for your commitment, for your talent, and for the love you show our children.
I know that we as a country will overcome, but it makes my heart ache. Public employees dedicate themselves every day to making this country a better place. And I will continue to support them in every way I can.
Thanks for letting me be a small part of such a great community.