Sometimes when I stare at the Daily Kos comment preview screen, after trying to remember why I even began writing a comment, I ask myself three questions:
What outcome do I want most?
What other outcomes will I accept?
What outcomes do I intend to prevent?
If I can answer those three questions about my own intent when I write, then I might have a shot at answering this question:
What can I say, here, now, in this particular conversation, that might satisfy all three of those criteria?
How do we invest our time and attention?
Participating in conversation here at Daily Kos (or anywhere else) takes time away from all the other things we could be doing. We invest our time and our attention into our own words and the words of others. I suspect most of us want to feel we spend our time here productively. When a conversation turns into a prolonged and seemingly intractable conflict, it feels like I've lost something. Thinking about and managing the outcomes of my conversations, then, helps to ensure I can leave my monitor and keyboard feeling that my time here was well spent.
What outcome do I want most?
My goal for this diary is to suggest that it can be helpful to stop and think about our own goals when we interact here. My goal for Dialog Workshop is to provide value to somebody, somewhere, by suggesting ways to interact in online conversation that some folks may not have tried.
I find it helpful to think through my own goals this way when I talk with people online. I learned that the hard way: by getting into some unpleasant conversations that sucked up a lot of my time without producing any benefit for me or other participants, and by finding myself digging a conversational hole with no dignified way to get back out. Thinking about my goals helps me to think about using my conversation time effectively. Sometimes that includes figuring out an exit strategy if a conversation becomes unproductive.
When I think about my short-term goals for a Daily Kos comment conversation, these often come to mind: I have information to share. I want to acknowledge another person's contribution. I want to ask for more information from someone else. I want to persuade others to adopt my opinion. I want attention. I feel angry, and I want other people to know it. I want to fight, and I want to win, dammit! I dunno what I want, but I must be heard!
We all know how pursuing some of those goals turns out, right?
Here are some other outcomes that I find rewarding when I try to enact them: I like it when I learn something. I like it when other people learn something. I like to create situations in which learning can occur.
What other outcomes will I accept?
Sometimes no one seems to acknowledge the information I offer. Sometimes folks reject my
well-reasoned, insightful opinions. Sometimes it becomes clear that other folks don't share my goal and won't create the outcome I seek.
When I can't seem to get what I want, sometimes I feel tempted to try to get The Last Word. Unfortunately, despite years of trying, I've determined that I cannot control other people. Other people do not reliably behave like characters in my own personal movie. I cannot control other people. But I can influence some of them.
At web sites like this one, our words become a record for future readers to find. Even if current conversation participants won't respond to my words, I can still state them for the lurking audience and for future audiences. Sometimes an acceptable outcome is creating a situation in which some future reader might benefit.
What outcomes do I intend to prevent?
Frustration. Pie fights. Pointless visits to Hidden Comments by well-meaning and usually well-behaved participants. Wasted time.
And yes, sometimes I'd like to prevent other people from advocating plans I believe would cause harm. But since I cannot control other people, sometimes I have to trust the lurking audience and future audiences to perceive harm, trust them to resist being controlled, trust them to be influenced by my warning rather than harmful advocacy.
An example to tie these together
Suppose someone writes a diary about Candidate X. I like Candidate X. Perhaps I worked in Candidate X's campaign. In comments someone trashes my beloved Candidate X. That
pisses me off!, er, that annoys me. What can I say?
I'd like to contribute my personal experience and my perspective. I'd like to share what knowledge I may have about good things Candidate X has done. I'd like to persuade other participants that Candidate X deserves respect and consideration. If that doesn't work, at least I'd like to make it possible for other readers to research Candidate X and decide for themselves, later.
I don't want readers — and voters — to think badly of Candidate X because of one person or one comment. And I don't want to devote a long day to a comment thread that becomes indented all the way over to the right margin. So here's a draft of a possible exit comment:
I live in a town that Candidate X represents. Candidate X accomplished some good things here: environmental policy Y and health care policy Z, for example.
It would sadden me if readers here turned against Candidate X because one commenter casts aspersions — aspersions that seem unwarranted and unrelated, as far as I can tell.
I see no benefit to prolonging this conversation, so I will say this and exit now. I do hope readers take the time to do their own homework on this matter to assess Candidate X themselves.
Thanks for your time and consideration.
That's my Candidate Xit strategy. What's yours?
In comments, perhaps you can tell me about a time when having a clear goal or outcome helped you figure out how to write a Top Comment or a well-regarded diary. Or, perhaps share an occasion when you found yourself deep in a conversation that triggered a "Hey, what am I doing here?" moment.
Thanks for reading. Cheers
Dialog Workshop is a modest attempt to foster productive, collaborative conversations online. It's a way to offer a few conversation tools and techniques and to create opportunities to practice using them. It may or may not provide value to you. As the Canadian philosopher "Red" Green observed, "This is only temporary. Unless it works."
If you're interested in related conversations, there's a reasonable probability that clicking this link may add Dialog Workshop to your personal Kos page (stream).