I have begun to compile weekly rundowns of the events in Wisconsin, since every day seems to bring a fresh outrage and fresh inspiration. Here are last week's musings; follow me below the fold for This Week that Was:
Monday, March 28:
Crime and Publishment
There is a lot of uncertainty about whether the Budget Repair Bill is passed or not. Walker and his insect swarm assert that it is, in spite of the TRO, and in spite of serious questions about publishing procedure. In short, they "published" it by doing an end run around the necessary Secretary of State signing and official printing in the official predetermined newspaper of Legislative choice.
Walker's minions rewrote the law; "published" it through a signing by his house elves and disseminated it on the "Where's George?" website.
Signage Headaches
A video makes the Youtube rounds of two very criminal boys in the Capitol rotunda being requested by one nice policeman and one mean policemen to take their large banner down to the designated demonstration area; a fun little circle in the basement where boys can frolic and sing their bodies electric. Their posture is unacceptable under the law. They lean with insoucience. Their mother is an anarchist babymaker yet she works for the State, for this week at least.
They are in big trouble if they dare, double dare, to continue holding their disrespectful "Solidarity" banner in plain sight. They are given fair warning, yet they will not comply. They are bad boys and are now in big trouble. They are in violation of a new DOA Administrative Code, known as the Blue Tape Laws of Fitzwalkerstan. The boys along with their mother and father and baby brother, are fined $205.
The state has found a new funding stream.
Control Alt Delete
A Koch supported group is now using Open Record laws to request emails from numerous Michigan professors who are involved in a Labor History think tank. Was there not enough public reaction from the Cronon affair to make this a stupid move, or are they immune from all desire for public approbation?
I think of my own (State University) emails: how many "I'll bring the wine!" and "see you at the Coffee House" would be interspersed between legitimate use of state resource and "when are we gonna impeach the sonsabitches?" I might want to delete some of that, or send a strong magnet to the druids in IT. But just once, I'd like to see a similar shitstick action that read, "A stunning development: a Non-Koch supported group just pissed on your freshly baked bread!"
Can You Hear Me Now?
Judge Sumi reiterates that the Budget Repair Bill is enjoined, which is lawyerspeak for "halted." She says, "Apparently that language was either misunderstood or ignored, but what I said was the further implementation of Act 10 was enjoined. That is what I now want to make crystal clear."
It is as if she has to speak v.e.r.y... s.l.o.w.l.y... in order to be understood. It is a possibility that Fitzwalkerstan has instigated a new State Language, and previous utterances are deemed inadequate under the Law.
Upon exit, Assistant Attorney General Asspoot Cowturd claims the legislation is "absolutely" in effect. Due to a rift in the space/time continuum, he was perhaps not in the hearing where he just was. A great disturbance is monitored through the wormhole.
Does our pay get docked this week, or not? We might have a bit less money to take out of M&I Bank next week!
Pier Review
Incumbent Justice David Prosser, in a forum at Marquette University Law School, claims that rival JoAnne Kloppenburg's legal experience amounts to nothing more than citations about docks and piers and claims that Kloppenburg is "incredibly envious" of his own magnificence. Who wouldn't be? I mean, have you seen this guy shaking his fist at his opponents? He's like a pure cross between Mr. Burns, Barney Fife, and a mudpuppy.
Though Kloppenburg did work on environmental litigations, so dock placement and complaints were part of her duties, to claim that was all she did was exaggeration to the point of falsification. Prosser later said that his comments about docks were "a little rhetorical flourish" and "an attempt at levity" though these accusations are part of the Prosser campaign to discredit the breadth of his rival's experience.
His ads let us know that he's a stand up guy and fights against crime, even though Supreme Court rulings are not about criminal trials. Good to know citizens are protected by a skinny-armed, epithet-hurling, fist-shaking mudpuppy comedian who fights crime in his spare time, while polishing levity cherries about docks, dykes, bitches and piers.
Who wouldn't vote for such a man!
Tuesday, March 29:
Double Redundancy
Dane County Judge Maryann Sumi blocks the union-busting bill for a second time after a day of testimony. She is still trying to speak slowly, and repeats herself a lot.
Open Records, Yes: Open Meetings, No!
National attention remains focussed on the Republican request for UW Distinguished Professor Cronon's emails, in a sneaky effort to render the good professor mute. Cronon's website has had over 2 million hits since the FOIA request. The Republicans look like the petty buttsplinters that they are. The open records law cited is intended to allow transparency for citizens regarding government, not the other way around.
In this case, the RepubliStazi are attempting to have Cronon regarded as a government employee, and therefore part of the governmental apparatus that is the aim of Open Records. Republicans get all whiney after exposing their backsides to national scrutiny. In an attempt to make Cronon look the bully, they assert that his refusal to comply is quite troubling and hurts their feelings. He is making them look stupid. It's his fault they look this way. They'll have to do something about tenure, and really soon!
Train In Vain
In an unexpected reversal of ill-founded but well-funded logic, Governor Walker now wants federal funds that he previously rejected for high speed rail, saying "Train goes in, train goes out. Train goes in, train goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that."
You can't explain why you rejected it three months ago, but want it now!
Independent Thought Alarm
Republican Legislators in committee question Walker's Koch-inspired desire to kill successful and solvent state recycling programs. Republican Legislators cower as hive brain begins to quiver and throb. Incipient emergent independent thought quickly dies under penetration of hive mind known as "Fitzgerald."
Hard, Ain't It Hard
A pathetic video resurfaces today in which GOP State Rep Sean ("Puffy") Duffy abjectly whines about how hard it is for him to live on his $174,000 salary. Wisconsinites are a magnanimous people and agree to donate things of bounty for his family on April 1. His personal sacrifice is great because it is his, and he coulda been somebody, coulda binna star but now is stuck with this dead end job as a public employee who pees on his shoes and wets his wife's bed.
Wednesday, March 30:
Unclear is Nuclear Spelled Sideways
Secretary of the DOA Mike Huebsch, in an effort to get the coveted Republican "Coughed Sputum of the Week Award," calls the legal effect of Judge Sumi's crystal clear orders "unclear."
What part of "stop" do you not understand, Mr. Huebsch? It is the octagonal red sign that you keep running through. That's why everyone in the neighborhood gets mad at you!
Goose Liver of the Left
Republicans accuse Dane County Judge Maryann Sumi of "going to cocktail parties held by Leftists, shopping at organic gourmet food shops runs by Leftists", and of "eating foie gras at Leftist parties."
Leftists like organic food and livers from force-fed geese. These parties get pretty wild at times: manifesto readings erupt spontaneously, threesomes frolic in darkened rooms playing "Marx and Engels" board games and gourmet "coffees of the world" are served in artisanal pottery imported from Door County.
It's just not fair: The Republicans are working hard to eliminate your multi-billion dollar deficit, while you play your Drop Kick Murphy cds really loudly and make up new chants that rhyme with "disgusting."
PuffyDuffy Daddy
GOP tries to "scrub" all references to GOP Rep Sean "Duffy" Combs' big whingefest regarding his $174k limited edition salary. Republicans understand public embarrassment. However, it is hard to take all videos off of the interwebs. Koch-funded groups have set up a task force to work on global internet edit functions.
They are trying, and we give them a lot of credit. Epic fail, but gives the story legs through another news cycle. Someone has told PuffyDuffyDaddy to shut the fuck up, so he just gets to look cute, in a paunchy manly "father of six" sort of way, for a while.
Recalling the Recalls
Early voting is high for spring elections. Daffodils are beginning to emerge. We'll either need to get more cocky after next Tuesday, or more angry. Either way, it will be a long, pretty spring, followed by a really hot summer. (When we are old, will we recall the summer of recalls?)
A Great Disturbance
Ohio anti-labor law passes state Senate. There is a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
Sanitary Napkins
Damage to Capitol building, stated by DOA to exceed $7mil, was based on one piece of notebook paper listing costs written immediately before courtroom testimony. But then Frank Gehry draws his plans on napkins.
Both are about buildings.
One is jive bullshit, the other an act of brilliant creativity. (Who am I to call Frank Gehry jive?)
Thursday, March 31:
Before the Law
Taking away Walker's last note from home, Judge Sumi reaffirms her Tuesday's clarification that the happy union-killing fragment of the Budget Despair Bill is not legally passed as Law, after Walker and Baby Huebschy intentionally ignore the court's ruling. Walker reads his Kafka fable, "Before the Law." Baby Huebschy blows bubbles in the bottom of the tub.
Like James Dean, Only Not Cool
In what seems a high-stakes game of juridical chicken, Governor Walker publicly states that he will most graciously comply with Dane County circuit judge's halting of his "favorited" portion of the Budget Repair Bill Play List, contradicting previous assertions by DOA Secretary Mike Huebsch to the contrary. Walker claims that higher powers will prove the GOP acted correctly when they passed the bill without recognizing Open Meetings protocols. He renames the pudgy Fitzgerald boy, who has turned sullen and moody lately, "Vindicator" in order to cheer him up, and lets him keep the keys to the Secret Underground Tunnel.
"Vindicator," ever the Storm Trooper, adds his two cents: "This is about whether or not a circuit court judge can tell the Wisconsin Legislature how to write its rules, and how it can function."
It doesn't dawn on him that the circuit court is upholding legislative law (Open Meetings) that has been passed by the State, and has upheld since 1943. GOP hopes to "spin" rule-of-law issues into oppositional politics, as usual.
The state Democratic Party says: "Perhaps Judge Sumi's third court order was the charm for Scott Walker. We are pleased that Scott Walker has finally recognized that he is not above the rule of law."
What the Democratic Party might have said: " Corporate Snotspray Scott Walker is either brain-dead or sociopathic, but has paused for a momentary opportunity to retune his insect brain to the Chitin Channel of King Koch Roach. We await further transmissions."
Prosser Is A Tosser
Green Bay Press Gazette endorses JoAnne Kloppenburg for State Supreme Court.
The Press Gazette is by no means a member of the "elite liberal media" that we hear so much about but so rarely encounter on page or screen.
The Shadow Internet
Faculty at UW-Stevens Point unionize, in spite of efforts by The State Teabaggers' Ball to essentially kill the efficacy of unions.
All of their University emails will be herewith monitored by the newly appointed "Cabinet of Data Examination" which plugs directly into the Hive Brain.
Another internet is being invented and it will publicly display all emails of everyone all the time, especially if they contain the words "Rachel" and "Maddow."
Your Windfarm Stays On My Mind
"Midwest Wind Energy" picks up stakes and leaves Wisconsin, becoming the second wind energy developer to leave in the last two weeks. MWE represented a $230 million investment, 130 construction jobs, 10 permanent full time high-tech jobs, and an annual flow of $400k to local governments and $500k to landowners.
The answer, my friend, was blowin' in the wind...
Disturbing Distemper
Former Governor Parick Lucey leaves State Supreme Court Justice David Prosser's campaign (he was co-chairman) and endorses rival JoAnne Kloppenburg. Lucey releases a statement citing "a disturbing distemper and lack of civility" in Prosser.
He might have said "I had no idea what a dick this guy is. And his breath smells like catfarts."
Public Peter, Meet Private Paul
Teachers are kicked out of an event about eduction at Hope Christian School in Milwaukee where Scott Walker read to children and mugged for the cameras. He was there to speak about education reform, but apparently didn't want any educators asking him questions.
Hope Christian School is a hopey Christiany kind of school, and will get lots of money in the new "rob Public Peter to pay Private Paul" that all adherents of the Hive Brain so vehemently endorse.
Friday, April 1:
There Must Be a Job For Him Somewhere!
At 4:30, the Committee to Recall Dan Kapanke brought big tupperware tubs up lots of stairs to formally submit 30,000 signatures, almost twice the signatures needed, collected in almost half the time allocated.
Kapanke used to be considered supportive of unions, and was endorsed by unions during his last election. He'll be movin' on soon.
He could maybe sell his invitations to Tea Party Express bus tours on eBay and make a bit of money. Or maybe he could get a job on a wind farm, or as a ticket taker on the new rail line to Madison...
So Sumi, We Didn't Think You Really Meant It!
After a long day of deliberations, Judge MaryAnn Sumi will keep her temporary restraining order against the anti-collective bargaining bill in place. Due to various issues, such as immunity of Republican defendants during legislative session, it might be up to two months before hearings resume on the issue.
Walker, eyes not quite tracking, says with mechanical confidence: "Not if, but when." The rest of us, still waiting for his gobs of jobs, say with cynicism: "The poison tree bears poison fruit."
The Hive Mind quivers. "Vindicator" plots. We await for other shoes to drop.