Have any of you watched the train wreck of a show on TLC called Extreme Kid’s Parties? The premise of the show is that spoiled brat rich (and occasionally those not so rich, but with parents stupid enough to max out their credit cards) kids and their prima donna mothers host over the top theme parties with the costs reaching into the tens of thousands. The fathers are usually shadow figures expected to look shocked when confronted by the manipulations of their wives and children. Most of the men are sadly clueless about what is going on in their own household finances and when they do realize how out of control the party has gotten the wives and kids still manage to browbeat dad into going along. Sadder still are the other children, often older or stepchildren forced to watch as the favored child is given everything and they must be content to smile and nod, lest they be accused of being selfish or jealous on prime-time TV.
Watching a six year old girl demand an eight tier $6000 cake that most brides cannot afford or would even hope to enjoy on their wedding day is appalling enough. Worse yet, is watching an eight-year old screeching like a tortured cat on stage, backed up by a live band while her enthralled mother praises her amazing talent. Or there is the episode where the skinny shy friendless child is taught to dance for his disco/pirate party the theme of which emerged from a power struggle between his mother and her stepmother, a woman pushing 60 who desperately wants to relive the 80s through her 11 year-old grandchild’s birthday party. Grandpa, who is forced to dress like a pirate for the party and foot most of the bill for this particular train wreck, watches in horror as his grandson discos across the pirate ship stage.
So what does this have to do with politics? If you haven’t seen the similarities yet follow me over the fold and I will trace them for you.
In the last few weeks, we watched as Mike Pence and Tea Party members of the House played out their version of I Want A BIG Cake AND Four Kinds of Ice CREAM AND a Pony! and I don’t care what it costs on the House floor. Their ability to mirror the petulant behavior of an eight-year old girl is both hilarious and frightening. Just listen to Mike Pence’s reaction to the budget deal.
"From what I know, it sounds like John Boehner got a good deal -- probably not good enough for me to support it," Pence said Sunday on ABC's "This Week."
So in other words, Boehner gave them cake and ice cream but without the pony, Pence will not play. Poor Boehner, you have to feel a little sorry for the guy who has been run ragged by this spoiled brood. They have little understanding of the Constitution or governing. They don’t care they are in the minority and control only the House. Like the spoiled children they are they want it all or they will throw tantrums on the House floor and on the Sunday morning talk shows.
So if the Republicans and more specifically the Tea Party are the spoiled children and Boehner is the prima donna mother, then who is the clueless father? Sadly, that would be President Obama. Like a busy workaholic father, Obama has been too busy to see what was going right under his nose. And like many of the fathers on the show, he is so afraid of the fall out from saying no that he agrees to almost everything to keep the peace. “Okay,” he says, “you can have the eight-tier cake and four kinds of ice cream and the enormous mirrored disco ball and the pirate ship and the live band, but absolutely no pony! I’m drawing the line at the pony.” And, like the fathers on the show he fails to see it isn’t about the pony. The pony was merely the distraction thrown in to give dad something to veto. Nobody really wanted the pony. Ponies are messy, you have to shovel up after their poo and they are expensive, they eat a lot and you have to exercise them and no self-respecting spoiled child or prima donna mother wants to have to actually take care of something. No, the pony was the distraction. It was the shiny object that allowed them to deflect from outrageous cost of the eight-tier cake and four kinds of ice cream and the mirrored disco ball and the pirate ship and of course the live band.
The Progressives, watch horrified while Dad (Obama) gives away the store to the spoiled younger brother or sister and they get nothing and are expected to stand-by and smile and place nice.
Okay, so if the Tea Party and Republicans are the spoiled brats, and Boehner is the prima donna mother, and Obama is the put upon clueless father, and Progressives are the poor sad older brother or sister or stepchild, and the stepmother is McCain and those yearning for the days of Reagan the who, in this scenario, is Grandpa?
Well my friends, Grandpa is the middle-class. The hard-working slub who knows how foolish it all is, but still dresses up like a pirate, knowing all along that he is getting robbed and will ultimately end up paying for everything. He also knows it won’t end here. He sees this party for what it is, the beginning. When he looks up, he doesn’t see his grandson, he sees shy skinny Paul Ryan at the helm of the ship. Standing right under the disco ball getting ready for his big number. He never really wanted a pony. What he really wants is so much bigger and better than a pony. The pony was just the distraction. And mom and dad, they have no idea what is coming next. Because once you give into the cake and the ice cream and the mirrored disco ball and the pirate ship and of course the live band, well then the line in the sand begins to fill. And it gets so much harder to draw it the next time. No, the next party will have to be bigger and more extreme than the last, because after all now that they have had an eight-tier cake and four kinds of ice cream and a mirrored disco ball and a pirate ship and of course a live band, well those things simply won’t do anymore. No next time, they will START with the pony and go from there. Ironic isn’t it?