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“Where’s the Birth Certificate? The Case that Barack Obama is not Eligible to be President ” due in stores May 17. Leaving stores? May 18.
—Jonah Goldberg, on The Corner.
[Trump] said, "Carnival barkers are con men who trick people into watching a bunch of freaks and human oddities. I host the Celebrity Apprentice."
—Bill Maher.
This isn’t like when Snoop Dogg found himself up on that murder rap and got acquitted on a technicality. I don’t want this president to be convicted on technical grounds. I don’t want this presidency to end on the technicality of whether he was born in Hawaii, or whether he was born in Mombasa, or whether he was born on the planet Krypton. I want these ideas to die – the ideas to which he got elected, because these ideas are killing your country.
—Mark Steyn
Don't tell me. That's not racist.
You're taking it back to the Ayn Rind (sic) stuff?
—Bill O'Reilly, to Glenn Beck when he had to explain to him that "that John Galt movie" was Atlas Shrugged.
Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a fox often appears on Donald Trump's head.
—Seth Meyers.
Well, I really understood what I was getting into—I didn't know that I'd be virtually the sole focus. I guess when you're leading in the polls that sort of thing tends to happen
—Donald Trump. on the White House Correspondent's Dinner.
Because nobody ever attacks the President.
But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn’t blame Lil’ Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled.
—President Barack Obama at the WHCD.
Mr. President, look at your hair, if your hair gets any whiter, the Tea Party is going to endorse it.
—Seth Meyers.
Seth Meyers did a great job at the Correspondents dinner, but I gotta say, this weekend Barack Obama really killed.
—Stephen Colbert.
Fifty percent of Americans think Donald Trump would make a terrible president. The other 50 percent think he would make an awful president.
—David Letterman
It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over three wives.
—Jimmy Fallon
Are you a tea bag top or bottom?
—John Waters to Andrew Breitbart on Realtime.
Well, I took a Bible class in college.
—Bill Maher, to Andrew Breitbart when Breitbart started rambling about how Barack Obama's college classes shaped who he is.
FOXNEWS REPORTS: Obama Administration Kills Homeless Religious Man with Kidney Disease.
—Rob Kutner
It doesn't bring Blake back or anything like that. For other people I know who have lost people, it doesn't alter anything.
—Raina Wallens, who lost her husband on 9/11, on the death of Usama Bin Laden.
If bin Laden had been killed in Afghanistan eight years ago in the caves of Tora Bora, al-Qaida might well have died with him. Now the organization is diversified enough it could weather bin Laden’s death — and hardly miss a beat
—Lt. Col. Reid Sawyer.
Many of them were cheering last night. But many were not alive to do so. I think particularly of those men and women now. They died in battle not knowing that America would eventually, finally find this murderer, and bring him to justice.
—Andrew Sullivan.
When I first saw the cheering crowds outside the white house, I thought Celebrity Apprentice had been canceled.
—Andy Kindler.
As much as it pains me to say it, Barack Obama is the most Bin Laden killing president in American history.
—Stephen Colbert.
#7: What on Earth could be interrupting Celebrity Apprentice?
—David Letterman's Top 10 List for what Bin Laden's final words were.
Our reaction to the death of Bin Laden should be that we declare victory. I think this changes the whole dynamics of the war on terrorism. Let's go after them. Let's not occupy a country for 10 years for nothing but a waste of lives.
—Walter Jones, (R,NC)
We thank President Bush for having made the right calls to set up this victory.
—Clueless Expert Sarah Palin.
This has been a year of sweeping changes happening TV news. Katie Couric announced she is leaving CBS. Katie was known best for asking those tough questions like name a newspaper.
—Seth Meyers.
Obama’s has been “a foreign policy of hesitation, delay, and indecision, marked by plaintive appeals to the (fictional) ‘international community’ to do what only America can.
—William Kristol writing for next week's Weekly Standard.
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Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoon.